Re: Learning about Relationship Boundaries

I've noticed you gloss over details but am getting the idea everyone has heaps of baggage... and if not why not ... I am not into the friends and secrets thing but respect professional confidentiality issues.

Social Penetration theory... its the idea that staged gradual mutual self revelation about interests, attitudes, life stories is what develops trust between people and thus relationships. ... I also like it cos it de-sexualises relating concepts sees them as inclusive of but not restricted to sexual intimacy.

When in continual overwhelm we dont have as much real choice about what to disclose .. or put up a wall which stops the flow of everything ... I might have a well intentioned plan to discuss a bit of non provocative news but ... something "weird/non typical" in me pops out ...and then we are both tongue tied ... oh dear ..

I had a wall for a while ... I was so isolated a could barely string 2 words together in a social context or open my mouth like a fish mind ...paralysed .. here's your chance ... ooops its gone ...

work was ok .. because there were clear scripts to follow... maybe thats why I miss work a lot.. but instability re son caused me to let studio run down .. maybe with support from carers vic about boundaries we can get the truck on the road again.

the mind spot course is ok .. a little predictable but it gives me focus and a couple new ideas ... i am big on structure and a good little student who does her homework... so maybe I am not typical BPD

** symptoms as a positive sign ...

**more on thought and belief challenging

The Mindspot people were very nice and phoned me up when I enrolled which was in the middle of my recent crisis and said my tests indicated i needed support and gave me an hour instead of their usual 20 mins on the phone. its just week 2.

I had two chuckles reading that... one when you said I gloss over things 🙂 and the other when you talked about walls because my psychologist asked me what my wall was made out of after a few months of talking about the weather LOL i told her it was made of unobtanium from the avatar world lol. we both had a chuckle. being guarded has been my protection for a long time.

I admire how self aware you are, and the fact that you are constantly working on understanding yourself, or different concepts of life in depth. I will definitely read more on the social penetration theory, it sounds really interesting... just have to wait for kids to go to bed so i can concentrate. they're both home today as no well, but should be ok to go to kinder/school tomorrow!! please! hehe

I've never minded doing different learnings a few times, ifind that something new pops out that is relevant the second time/third time around. or im in a different place to reflect on where im up to. I wrote to my psychologist a few weeks ago, and she wrote abck to me and i could probably find what she wrote in an email from a year ago because i still have these deep beliefs that obviously havent quite shifted (new situation applied) sigh! but oh well! I'm glad that the course is going ok, and thats great that they had the compassion and insight to talk with you for longer!

good luck!

LJ

LOL unobtanium ... playing hard to get ... LOL protecting the core ...

I need to learn a new way to present myself that focusses more on me and my interests and keeps family stuff out of view ...that that is private and I am a person separate to my family.

I finally saw a carersvic worker today who had a lot up her sleeve ... MH system has changed a lot ...so i feel I can start getting actual support ... she made it clear I was doing it a lot tougher than we actually needed to ... and sent me off to Centrelink to get a form ... will see her next week .. it feels worth the wait

That is great news @Appleblossom. Sometimes its just about finding the right person, with the right information and caring combination to make such a difference in someones life!

I'm glad you are seeing her again next week! Fingers crossed it continues to be helpful!

Hugs

LJ

Because police are plods. Too much paperwork for them. They are on KPI's to collect revenue SO A PARKED car is a heinous crime.

its okay to cry. It lets out all that pent up emotion that you've been suppressing all these years. But having a go at yourself? NO. You are a vital, kind & caring person. We are targets to sociopath men who come and control UNTIL they take everything from us. BUT all his brain washing WAS TO MAKE you feel like that.

So. He's gone AND you have taken his place in beating YOU up. No, stop, you have to be kind to you. You've survived HELL., write DOWN all the good stuff about you. . So if you slip up AS WE DO, & start blaming ourselves GET OUT your notes on HOW GOOD you are and what you have done, it WILL BE HEAPS. You read it our loud to yourself. Then say WTF was in thinking?

Ewwhh GET his filthy words OUT OF NY MOUTH & brain. I left him for that. And smile. And give yourself s pat ON THR BACK.?

Thanks very much for the support @Jystme

You also made me laugh .. Mr Plod with a baton is probably a bit better than some of the gung ho coppers with guns etc ... and recently someone made a point about people with MI being the most frequently tasered groups of people.

I have a thing about "these boots are made for walking" ... so should get out there and do some, but first I had to reclaim some of my home.

But I am back to jittery and very slow .. it took 2 hours yesterday to topup internet ... when it should have taken 10 mins. and today I have locked myself out of my e mail account ... oh well ... that's life.

I certainly dont feel my current meds are sufficient .. still another 3 weeks to next doctor appointment.

Both young people I drove are very vulnerable .. so I did not really want to say "no" if I could possibly do it for them.

@Appleblossom Glad to hear Mindspot is some help. I had a good experience with something a bit similar called MoodGym (run through Australian National University). Every little bit... And sometimes I think just taking any step at all to seek help creates some healing.

Thanks @Mazarita

I feel so silly missing the appointment .. I had 2 with different sections of Carers vic this week .. the first one went great ... I guess one was all I was meant to have this week ..

@Appleblossom I hope there's another one coming up soon for you... Pleased to hear the first one was great. 🙂