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living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

hi @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Spookytookims, @Former-Member and everyone else

I've had a few ask about what its like living with DID. So I decided to do a new thread. First off for those who dont know there are varying degrees of DID, from just feeling far away or distanced to having distinct alternate personalities or identies. In my case I have distinct alters to the point they have names and one has even been diagnosed with autisim which is rare.

So to make it so people can get a better idea I'm Aj the owner of the body. Then there is Kelly she is around the age of 4. Kelly actually started off as my imaginary friend when i was little then I went through a period of wanting to be the imaginary one due to abuse from someone i trusted. so Kelly is also the Autistic one, she will scream when touched and doesnt talk often sits and watches the clouds. the longest she has been out is 2 weeks. I am not co-consious with any of my alters when they are out i lose time. Kelly will come out usually if i feel scared or insecure and can be hard on my partner when our son wants mummy.

Next is sarah she is around 6 and is the easiest to handle often my partner cant tell she is out til she starts humming somesort of tune (we havent worked out what it is) she is a typical 6 yr old and the best part is my little boy isnt afected by her when shes out he just thinks mummy has taken time to play with him.

Then there is Casey while she comes out very little she needs constant monitoring as she self-harms but she doesnt usually come out unless get real down. thankfully my son has never had to encounter her.

i also have another alter but she is not as distinct as the others.

yes most of my alters a littles or children, i have been told this is because of my age when my childhood abuse started and when significant truma was present.

i was three when my abuse started. i was 22 when i finally cut the cord of emotional abuse my mother used on me. if anyone has questions i am happy to answer them

168 replies

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In response to: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Your kids sound tollerent. As teens, mine got frustrated that I was always forgetting things and 'moody' I feel sorry for them ( left home now)./Self-Compassion @-Rayne- 🌷🌿

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hi Briar and lapses,

My older kids use to describe me as "in a mood" when i switched before we knew what was going on, and the cheeky buggers would wait until they got a mood they liked before asking for something. So they are they best therapist at a quick diagnosis, but only if you can see the funny side of it after a while. They still use the alters to their advantage for eg. Jazz is a 21 yr old so heading off to hang with friends instead of doing homework and study for an exam is quiet acceptable however J.D and Bobby dont agree, so they wait for Jazz to ask.....lol clever little buggers i only just found that out a couple of weeks ago they've been doing this for years

In response to: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Briar YES... but do you find that some people look at you like what the hell are you talking about its the same body.... I have 1 alter that the meds seem to work too well for and another 2 that seem to have a bad reaction too. I do completely understand that the mind is a powerful and dangerous thing but to be able to change a body's physical and emotional reaction is very impressive to say the least..... now if i could just remember what i've been up to this week it would be a mirical.

In response to: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Briar YES... but do you find that some people look at you like what the hell are you talking about its the same body.... I have 1 alter that the meds seem to work too well for and another 2 that seem to have a bad reaction too. I do completely understand that the mind is a powerful and dangerous thing but to be able to change a body's physical and emotional reaction is very impressive to say the least..... now if i could just remember what i've been up to this week it would be a miracle.

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

@Former-Member my kids (twins) are mostly awesome.. especially now that we live in different states! They get annoyed sometimes (e.g. "are you adult yet?" in a tone that sounds like "are we there yet?" lol ) - mostly they're very long-suffering though. And yeah, @sketa especially when they were teenagers, they got a pretty good deal out of it by asking kids for money and teens if they could go out etc. so I don't feel too bad about the distractedness they've had to put up with.

Re the meds @sketa thanks. We think that's what's going on with us and why everything we try seems to work one day and do nothing the next, then give us huge side effects, and then no side effects. I'm going to try to tell our doc. I'm not sure that he'll buy it but he has no better explanation.

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

How is everyone? @sketa @Former-Member @Maggie @mudsum

Yesterday we had a surprisingly good time with our new therapist. We felt like he understood things... which is simultaneously shocking and amazing and terrifying 🙂

In response to: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Love that @-Rayne-, you describe it so well "simultaneously shocking and amazing and terrifying ☺" know exactly how that is - not knowing if we're Arthur or Matha, which 'state / part / me' to give priority to. Not easy being a multiple. I still how it when someone asks me "how are you today?" Its not ascif you can say "simultaneously amazed, mortified, fulfilled, excited, filled with rage..." I actialy freeze a lot, still feel 'fake' when i prattle off 'fine tnx" lol


This may intrigue you, the first therapist prepared to explore multiples with me I we disclosed the others through a part that does not speak sentences, rather uses hand gestures and single words. I suspect a very young me as the feeling is 'shh, don't tell the others' But of cause we know and was annoyed by...and stopped going to him, the first male psychologist, males just simply are NOT SAFE!!! despite knowing he was exceptionally good and most equipped to help the 'US' (did) such is life.


Gosh this feels good getting that out where someone's gonna understand what I'm saying without mocking me. Thanks guys 😉

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

sooo hard.<br><br>@Briar, i soo love how you explianed it. they are good so we are equally mortified and happy.<br><br>@lapses i get that too. every time my therapist gets to see a new part we badly want to run!!!!!! sooo bad. but the "how r u question?" or any question for that matter people look at me wierd when it takes me time to answer. the thing is they don't have the understanding to release i have to weigh up about 50 answers and then give an answer outloud to someone that doesn't make them think sooo crazyily about me. <br><br>ohhhh the life!!! <br>though that said. the friends that accept me for whoever shows up its sooo nice. we get to have lots of fun and they have fun too. means we get to do childlike things and enjoy ourselves and the other non-did people come along for the ride and enjoy themselves too....<br><br><br><br><br><br>as for me... i have not been doing tooo well. after finding out that a lady i work with is related to a past abuser it has been hard to maintain presentness and i have been discociating alot. one of thsee discociations to a younger part happened at work and was not handled very well...<br><br>my job has been on the line ever since and i'm struggling to maintain any stabliity. its ok but just shitty that what is a normal reaction for me i was unable to hold. One single mess and i'm lost for. how something that is not my fault still comes around and messes with my life all the time.

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hi @-Rayne-@mudsum@Former-Member@sketa@Former-Member it's helpful just knowing there are others out there who understand chaos as normality. Brain freeze..sorry

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

it is so true.
it is nice to be somewhere that people understand my glitches aren't bad. they are my strength to make it through abuse and trauma.
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