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living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

hi @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Spookytookims, @Former-Member and everyone else

I've had a few ask about what its like living with DID. So I decided to do a new thread. First off for those who dont know there are varying degrees of DID, from just feeling far away or distanced to having distinct alternate personalities or identies. In my case I have distinct alters to the point they have names and one has even been diagnosed with autisim which is rare.

So to make it so people can get a better idea I'm Aj the owner of the body. Then there is Kelly she is around the age of 4. Kelly actually started off as my imaginary friend when i was little then I went through a period of wanting to be the imaginary one due to abuse from someone i trusted. so Kelly is also the Autistic one, she will scream when touched and doesnt talk often sits and watches the clouds. the longest she has been out is 2 weeks. I am not co-consious with any of my alters when they are out i lose time. Kelly will come out usually if i feel scared or insecure and can be hard on my partner when our son wants mummy.

Next is sarah she is around 6 and is the easiest to handle often my partner cant tell she is out til she starts humming somesort of tune (we havent worked out what it is) she is a typical 6 yr old and the best part is my little boy isnt afected by her when shes out he just thinks mummy has taken time to play with him.

Then there is Casey while she comes out very little she needs constant monitoring as she self-harms but she doesnt usually come out unless get real down. thankfully my son has never had to encounter her.

i also have another alter but she is not as distinct as the others.

yes most of my alters a littles or children, i have been told this is because of my age when my childhood abuse started and when significant truma was present.

i was three when my abuse started. i was 22 when i finally cut the cord of emotional abuse my mother used on me. if anyone has questions i am happy to answer them

168 replies

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In response to: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hi @Maggie thanks for your kindness. The hobbies i have kind of fall to the wayside most of the time. It often takes so long just to do the basics. I dread going to work as my memory loss continues to plague me. Hard to keep it together but i function.

I go to gym, stream stan etc, try to get outside more, i message and write to my daughter. Thats it really, trying to catch up on sleep most of the time. I know i will get there but thats where i am, in a bit of a rut. Safe inside these walls but also trapped and scared someone will see me on a bad day (someone outside my children)

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

@LadyCaroline I think you are doing really well going to work, gym, stream Stan ( not sure what Stream Stan is), outside stuff and being in contact with your daughter.

I know the scared feeling of someone seeing the bad days, of which there are many. My little dog doesn’t mind at all, she just goes with the flow, kind of thing.

Its good to see you when you can make it, but never any pressure.

I hope today is as good as it can be for you. 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

I don't know if anyone who was writing on this thread is still out there but if so it would be good to say hi. Hi anybody.. or nobody..

According to my psychologist I have this. I found it it was official a while ago when GP let it slip that she'd written it in a letter. I guess hadn't shared it with me because didn't want to tip me off edge. I get that, but also do t like people talking behind my back. Anyway I got the courage to say I knew that she wrote that and ask about it yesterday. I'm still so confused but glad it's out now and I can try think about it. If others are still around what did you think when you were diagnosed with this? I don't feel like it's me but I guess I dissociate (I do agree with that) so maybe I just don't know what I don't know.. if that makes sense. Which is terrifying!!! Are other terrified?!?!?

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Yes it is terrifying and takes time to come to terms with it. I was diagnosed many years ago. It is good to know but just be aware its a wide church.

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

@destructive I don't want to contribute to this thread regularly because its too upsetting for me, but yeah its really scary. I called my lil sib and asked to be taken to ER immediately after my worst episode 2016 after some months of hallucinations etc....

...but, if its possible try and not self-create too much health anxiety if you can. Everyone has the biological mechanism to dissociate under stress and that is a good thing. Its a biological anaesthetic that we need when we are faced with the hardest times of our lives. We aren't supposed to feel everything all at once.

The trauma specialist Bessel can der Kolk called his excellent book on trauma The Body Keeps the Score, The Body Keeps the Score for a reason.....if dissociation is going steal your life, but also keep you alive, the trauma starts and is persistent < 7years of age. But most importantly it leaves physiological marks that are measurable as an adult. That sort of violence & post-violence neglect leaves a mark on the body and brain.

It's very disturbing to come to terms with, but I use destraction, not all destraction is bad, good luck, Corny.

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hi all

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Sorry, clearly new to this. I have been looking for a way to chat to others with DID for a while, until I found this site recently. I have at least seven alters that I know, but one seems to be more in touch with the others. So far, I have not had any 'control' over which alters appear or for how long they stay. Just usually lost time. Recently my therapist asked me to try and make an alter 'appear' in our session. I was unable to just sit there and make it happen and I sort of feel like a failure that it didn't happen. Is this something others csn do.....call on alters to appear at request?

In response to: Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Re: living with DID/ Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hi @DE11 no I definitely can't. Apparently I don't even know when it happens. When I hear some talk about all their parts/alters I feel different because I know no idea. I hear voices some and l know a bit about them but thats all. Can sometimes feel when it's coming on I guess. But no control. I'd actually want to stop it if I could.


@DE11 wrote:

Sorry, clearly new to this. I have been looking for a way to chat to others with DID for a while, until I found this site recently. I have at least seven alters that I know, but one seems to be more in touch with the others. So far, I have not had any 'control' over which alters appear or for how long they stay. Just usually lost time. Recently my therapist asked me to try and make an alter 'appear' in our session. I was unable to just sit there and make it happen and I sort of feel like a failure that it didn't happen. Is this something others csn do.....call on alters to appear at request?


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