Not coping with life - may trigger

I thought about that @Kurra. I'd like to, trust me. I even thought about getting a puppy that can be trained by an organisation to be a psychiatric assistance dog. Problem is, we've got a full house and it isn't my home so I come last in the decision making process unfortunately. I wouldn't even be able to have a goldfish without the new cat getting it.

Besides, if the relationship sours and I am forced to leave, I am more likely to secure housing faster without a pet. I've been homeless before and that is just my thinking now. Avoid that scenario at all costs! I am always forward planning. Call me once bitten twice shy.

When I was married and owned my own home, I had animals like horses and dogs. I used to cry into their fur and they'd just want to be with me no matter what. That was over a decade ago now.

@Kurra I don't want to be Cinderella either. It pains me having to constantly come second, but I'm terrified of overstepping the mark and losing what I have. I've been to the point where I've literally had nothing and now what I do have, however meagre, is like precious gold.

Re: the psychiatric assistance dog - I'd have to wait until I no longer live here I think. Otherwise it'd be far too complicated. I was initially told I could get a pup to be trained when the old dog passed away, now that won't be happening. I'll get one eventually, one day. Just not anytime soon as with two dogs and now one cat, it's a full house.

Thanks @Kurra

I'm sorry you've also had to endure homelessness in your past. For me it was around the time of my deepest ever depression.

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Really not doing too well tonight folks. Just feel incredibly sad. The family are having a music evening but I just don't feel like joining in. I've been sleeping all day and just feel like being by myself. I'm so sorry for not being more supportive of late. I admin a mh group on Facebook and haven't even been doing that of late. I feel like a complete and utter charlatan. Like, why should I promote good mental health, when I can't even manage my own? I don't belong there. I don't belong anywhere.

I've been having fights with my gf and tonight, even though it was only a joke on her part, she said she was calling off the ceremony. It really hurt, probably because of my already low mood, who knows?! My voices are annoying but not overwhelming yet, just noise I can't rid of. They keep telling me to do terrible things, but I know it is just my own factured mind, not reality.

I feel so so sad 😞

@utopia I think it is a conversation that we'll have to have sooner rather than later, even though I am so passive and can't stand the prospect of any sort of confrontation. I'll try to make it a positive thing if I can at all for both our sakes.

I hope with all my heart I wake up tomorrow and these dark clouds have passed me by. But being realistic I doubt it, I've just got to learn to cope as best I can I guess.

Thanks for repying, I always appreciate your posts.