Not coping with life - may trigger

I managed to reschedule the psychologist for a week later. Hopefully this time I won't have to cancel. I tried explaining to my gf I really need this appointment sooner rather than later, but because of the travel to another town for her appointment, I had to cancel. Oh well can't be helped I guess.

It is good news @Pepsimax and @Kurra that I was able to reschedule fairly quickly.

@Kurra very true, relationships are about give and take. I think ours is balanced most of the time. Just sometimes I have to give in, most because I am the lowest in the pecking order so to speak. It's my gf mum's house so she is top of the food chain, followed by my gf, then me and the pets. I never get to watch what I want on tv, but that's okay because I don't really watch much tv and all I'd do is put it on the music channel anyway. I also never get a say in what we eat, I like food with herbs and spices, but they don't so unless I want to buy my own food and cook it (which is kinda dumb really), I just go along with whatever. I'm a pretty passive person really. Always have been.

I had to have some extra PRN medication before as I am really struggling with voices. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and the sleep that I did have was all nightmares that was gobbledegook and didn't make sense. I feel really unsettled because of it and the hallucinations, so therefore the need for extra meds. My gf and her Mum are watching tv and I am sitting in my corner of the kitchen on my computer. I wish I knew how to fix what is wrong with me. One of my friends today contacted me via Facecrook and tried to sign me up to a herbal and paleo diet and to do away with meds. At least I have the insight to know I need medications in order to stay well. I've tried going off them in the past with disasterous results.

Did I tell y'all we have a new kitten? It was bought for my gf's Mum to help her with her loss of our dog. However the strange thing seems to have bonded mostly with me. Weird thing!

The poor kitten must be terribly confused @Kurra lol! If I were it, I wouldn't choose me.

Thankfully the kitten has now worked out who her owner is and has now bonded with the correct person. It was good company while it lasted I guess. All I do now is sleep anyway and for a kitten, that's kinda boring I guess. I feel so emotionally exhausted that any energy I do have is taken up doing daily tasks. Tomorrow I go to the doctor to find out the results of my medical tests and find out supposedly what is physically wrong with me. I'm actually hoping that something was found, so there is rhyme and reason as to why I feel the way I do. I feel so teary all the time and yet in front of others I don't cry. At least for the past two nights I've been able to let loose in the tear department because my gf has been sleeping in the spare room to keep the kitten company.