grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

I understand where you're coming from as my adult daughter has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and is currently in hospital, but doesn't engage with treatment because she doesn't believe she has a mental illness. I feel grief and hopelessness too.

I am learning that I need to look after my own health first and I have a right to live my life without sacrificing everything for the sake of my daughter. That is hard as a mother, but necessary, and abandoning myself and my needs has not helped my daughter. I do not expect my other children to look after my daughter when I'm gone.

You have your own life to live and whilst you are supporting your brother your life and wellbeing is important too.

Acceptance is important. If we don't accept then we struggle. I find Eckhart Tolle's philosophy is very helpful in this regard.

Perhaps your brother can take extended sick leave from work, if that is available to him. It's hard to balance treatment and retain your job and have a life to go back to. My daughter has grappled with this for years but now she hasn't been able to work for months as her health has declined. So I would say treatment should be prioritised because otherwise the illness is likely to get worse.

It's a lot to deal with and thinking about what this means for your life is important. Above all think about your priotities in life first and then what you can do to support your brother. Limit what you do to support him so that you still have a fulfilling life and can maintain your own health and wellbeing.

Hi there @Jane241 ,

Thank you for sharing. Good to see you here. It's so true when you said you cannot support someone else unless you can look after yourself.

Looking to hear if @Shaz51 @Icaruslanded and others have additional insight

Hello @Jane241

Sending you lots of tender hugs and sitting with you ❤️

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

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@tyme , @zebra1 , @jedi12 , @Dimity , @Icaruslanded , @MatchaToad , @FullofHope

Thank you 🙂

Thank you 😊

My daughter is in hospital and thinks that I have out her in there for nothing as she is not ill. However, I have told her that she is, but I don't argue. I speak to the doctor regularly as she doesn't engage and has no insight, they are very interested to hear of my observations of her behaviour. She also has been treated for mental health for several years so the history helps them work out where she is now. So I think any information is helpful to them and combined with their own observations can give a better picture of what is going on.

Even though my daughter is not happy with me, I act on what I believe a well version of my daughter would want me to do to help her.

Hearing how challenging this must be for you @Jane241 but I was also really struck by the perspective of doing what a well version of your daughter would want you to do to help. Being able to hold that knowledge must be powerful in those times when your daughter can't understand why she needs to be there, or when any doubt starts to creep in.

@Jane241 thank you for your reply, and I’m so sorry you’re going through a similar situation, with your daughter’s health declining.

You’re right about acceptance, and I think my mum is struggling the most with this right now.

the lack of insight is also particularly hard, I don’t know whether to push/try to convince him to engage with treatment vs when to let it be and let him do whatever he does, despite disagreeing with it sometimes.

I’m glad you’re learning to look after your own health and wellbeing 🙂 wishing you all the best with everything

@zebra1 thank you. It's difficult when they won't take the logical steps to get better because of their mind disease. Even for people willing to engage with treatment, it's tough to follow through, so that's why it really has to come from them. Sometimes that may be because they realise they've run out of options. So you can always put it forward as a path to recovery, but realise that he has to choose it if it's going to work at all. I'm going to work with the social worker in the hospital to talk through options on discharge with my daughter. It helps when professionals are involved as I know if it's just me talking to her, emotions will get involved and the whole discussion will be derailed. I wish you all the best. It's a tough journey for the whole family.

@Jane241 , @zebra1

wishing you all the best

sending you lots of hugs and sitting with you and letting you know that you are not alone my friends

It helps when professionals are involved, I agree @Jane241

but I have had no help with my husband , he has been in hospital 3 times over the years

and at the moment he should be maybe back in hospital but he is not going

@Nala2022 , @tyme