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grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

This is probably just a rant more than anything, but I feel the need to get it all out.

My brother recently stopped his antipsychotic meds despite being on a cto, and has just been through a pretty bad withdrawal/manic episode and is now in hospital. I know I can’t name meds here but it’s one that requires mandatory blood tests/ECGs frequently and is going to require a really slow titration back to his dose, so looking like a 3 weeks or more hospital stay in a public hospital that doesn’t have the best reputation for mental health care, probably what feels like an indefinite extension of his cto, and the loss of his job. He showed up to his workplace in a manic state which makes me worried that he’s probably going to lose his job, and unemployment was a trigger for his first psychotic episode so this really isn’t ideal.

He’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia for 3 years and I think it’s all just hitting me that this is just going to be our life now. Not only have we all been going through the grief of what feels like losing a part of him and a life that could’ve been, but it has just had a cascading effect on the whole family, with my parents relationship severely strained due to different ways of coping with the situation, and my dad becoming a functioning alcoholic. And I know there’s no use worrying too much about the future, but I’m starting to gear myself up for the fact that I will probably be his main carer when our parents eventually pass away.

While I do have supportive friends who are vaguely aware of the situation, it’s hard reaching out for help because I feel like they probably wouldn’t understand the complexity of it all if they haven’t been through it. Being told that “hopefully he’ll get better soon” and “at least he is getting help in the hospital” while well meaning, sort of just reinforces that they don’t quite understand the situation and how grim it feels. It just saddens me that he may never again experience things that truly make life worth living, like forming meaningful relationships or engaging in interesting hobbies, making and achieving goals or feeling joy.

maybe I’m catastrophising a little but on the other hand I feel like that’s just the reality of the situation? I know people tell me to seek out support for myself but I don’t really feel like spending $200 to see a psychologist for them to give me some grounding exercises, coping strategies and explain CBT to me for the 100th time. (Sorry I’m a bit cynical right now, I just feel frustrated)

if anyone has any recommended philosophical approaches to take in what feels like a hopeless situation, I’m open to them.

53 replies

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In response to: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Re: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Hi @Jane241 ,

I hear the sadness you are experiencing. I also hope that the hospital stay will help your daughter. It sounds like an incredibly difficult time you are both going through.

I know for me, when I was going through a very difficult period in my life, I moved away from my family. It was hard, but it was also part of life's lessons. While I was with my family, I only blamed them for what wasn't working for me. But in time, I did reconnect with my family - when I was ready.

Please know you are not alone.

In response to: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Re: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Hi! Whilst I dont have any philosophical approaches, I am in a very similar situation with my brother, and I honestly just find sitting in the sadness to be helpful.

Happy to connect if you're willing, as sometimes its nice to not feel so alone on such a complicated journey!

In response to: Re: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Re: grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

Hi @kindminds ! Sorry I haven’t been on the forums in a while, so I only just saw this

i agree, I have been finding sitting in the sadness helpful. I feel it goes against what we’re told to do when people say things like “stay positive” or try to encourage hope etc. when sometime that approach doesn’t really help all that much.

id love to connect with you, how are things going with your brother at the moment?

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