grappling with grief, hopelessness etc. while caring for an ill family member

@jedi12 oh that sounds complicated 😞 I hope you can forgive yourself as we all make mistakes, especially as you have owned up to it. I hope you’re able to get a good rest, and that things go well for your partner

Thank you so much.

Without going into too much history right now, I'm looking for some advice on my current situation. She is now seeing a psyc through Medicare the usual 10 free sessions I think. There is a bit of history reg her treatment, because she was not a threat to herself and didn't have the insight she never ended up in any forced treatment but when she went back overseas because at one point she felt very suicidal she was forced into a treatment by her folks overseas where there is no law around involuntary treatment. Anyhow now she thinks it was a mistake and the treating doctor was not qualified and was only interested in making money out of her. In her 2nd treatment overseas she did go through few rounds of ect. She now strongly believes she has been misdiagnosed though continues to take her current meds.

Psychologist wants to see me in the third session and also wants to speak to the doctors overseas that have treated her. She has also asked her folks to put in writing on what made them think she is schizo. I'm probably going to be asked the same question. While I can give her specific instances where she was delusional but i was told bringing this up is likely to trigger her more when she is lacking the insight to see this through or accept the situation. My question is should I bring up past psychotic episodes so she is able to realise what has made us make her go through this?

@jedi12 in terms of your question, I’m not sure what the best answer is, although I know it is common for there to be a lack of insight with illnesses like these, and that insight can fluctuate. maybe someone else on this forum with lived experience may be best placed to answer whether bringing up past psychotic episodes is a good idea, although bringing them up may be necessary to get her the best treatment? Sorry I can’t be much help, but I wish you all the best with the situation.

Thanks, sorry to have hijacked your thread. I may need to start a new thread. I don’t think I’ve given enough background for anyone to understand the situation fully. It all happened over 10 years span so it won’t be easy to summarise.

Hi @jedi12 ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds llike a huge weight on your shoulders. I sense that in a moment of anger and upset, you blurted out what you did.

I can relate to what you have shared. To be honest, if I didn't have the mental health challenges I've had, I would have such limited understanding and probably said those things too.

It's only when one gets more understanding that they realise the weight of what they have said. And the fact that you are reflecting on it shows that this has been quite a burden for you.

Do you think they remember? I wonder if it's something you can raise with them?

Please know you are not alone

thank you for your kind words. this happened just two months ago and such hurtful words never get forgotten. She still remembers what I said 10 yrs ago when once in an argument I called her a failure that was a decade ago. till date she remembers, Im sure this noted in the timeline of events with the therapist. she does not believe I can change I think nor can remember any of the good things that happened in our lives. I did speak to her multiple times after the recent incident and it seem to only aggravate the situation more. I dont know it is the illness or her just pure anger and hatred towards me. I still want to stand by and support her in every way I can. she is only with me because financially she wont be able to survive as she has not a paying job in the last 10 years and getting back to work is not going to be easy at least the type of roles she is looking for so she relies on me financially. Im worried that if we part that I will end up losing our home and savings for my son, but this is another battle I need to cross later but more importantly she will be on her own and no idea how that will work out for her 😞

How tough @jedi12 . I can see how much you chare about her and you have her wellbeing front and foremost. That's really amazing to her.

Whether it is her condition or not, if you don't discuss that particular incident, are you able to talk about ways to move forward? It sounds like a lot of pressure on you if she is soley relying on you for her finances.

What would you like to ideally see happen from all this @jedi12 ?

I can see you care so so much.

I dont think Ive the mental strength to live alone by myself or think of moving on with something else. We have a teenage son who just turned 15 and Id love to spend more time together with him and as a family but I cant see any of that happening now 😞 I was saving up for holidays and his higher education and I cant think about us separating again. We got divorced before covid but got back again after her 1st treatment, and went through a crisis situation again after she stopped taking meds and then again forced to 2nd treatment which lasted much longer and now continuing the meds for the last 2+ yrs. But it seems like this is the last attempt I'm going to have with her as her family is also having no strength to force her anymore and she is alert now so she will not easily accept anything involuntarily as she feels she was tricked into treatment both times.

I did discuss with her multiple times about what I blurted out two months ago and I'm owning up that incident and the hurt it has caused to her. but all of that seem to go in deaf ears. That one line has triggered a storm in her and has flooded back all bad events from the past which has made her not to even listen to any of what i said. she strongly feels Im the cause for all her failures and her current state.

Depending on what pans out in a month or so I will at some point decide what I want out of this. Yes we can coparent, but all of that is not so easy with her illness. it was a battle earlier when she was not on her medication, it was always her rules and I simply have to abide by it. I suppose this time my son is grown up enough to make his own decisions but he is not comfortable in living in two different homes either.

Yes there is unbearable weight and it is affecting my focus at work too. How do one manage this? I need to get help from a therapist too I guess.