Good morning @Former-Member and @soul. I too hope everyone is ok.
With a fresher set of eyes, I've read over some of this again this morning. Something that's really standing out is, although we have our own unique experiences and no-one can really know what we've each been through, it's clear our lives have been impacted by manipulation, violence and trauma. The words BPD have hurt us in our own ways. We've felt invalidated, our experiences have been ignored and important signs that something was really wrong have been overlooked, and that's had lasting effects. There is togetherness here in our aloneness (I think I'm making up words now but they feel right).
I wrote and then deleted a bunch of stuff about BPD and abuse because, at the end of the day, I think the point is that we've been hurt at the hands of another person/people. For me, the line between what's acceptable and what's not acceptable is when it crosses over into hurting someone else.
Tooky - I think you need to look at what's happened in whatever way it is that feels right for you. You've been hurt at the hands of another person. That person made choices that hurt you. That's not ok and I'm sorry that happened to you.
With regard to the later parts of this conversation, I am angry Tooky. I want to stand up and fight the systems that have made this harder. The things that can and do happen are almost impossible to believe sometimes, and I was someone who was fighting it, loudly and passionately. You've given me insight into another way systems can let people down, and that will stick with me. I won't forget what you've shared and gaining insight is so important to me, so thank you. Right now, I can not fight this because it's dangerous to for many reasons. I need people to fight it for me (for us all) for a while. Until I'm not leaning so heavily on these systems for my own survival, I can't do it. Thank you for seeing what's wrong and for feeling frustrated with it.
Today my plan is to be gentle with myself and that probably means not getting involved in conversations that evoke big feelings.
Hope today is good for you both 💛
