@soul@NikNik
Insight, Neurosis, and Character Disturbance
Dr G K Simon
Excerpt:
"Traditionally-minded therapists have a very difficult time understanding the whole concept of the disturbed character’s awareness. In my classical training, I was taught never to ask a client “why” they did something because it would likely “throw them on the defensive” and they would be “afraid” to disclose. Besides, they were supposed to be in the dark about the real underlying reasons for their behavior, anyway.
So, even though I was very interested in their motives, in my early work I did not ask them directly. A fair amount of the time, when I did broach motivation issues, they would reply with something like: “To tell you the truth, doctor, I really don’t know,” or “That’s what I’m in therapy to find out.” This would reinforce in me what I’d always been taught: that our primary therapy task would be to build a trusting relationship and then carefully uncover the unconscious underpinnings of their disturbing conduct. Eventually they would come to “see” the problems with their behavior and work through their “issues.”
What a surprise it was to learn that such an approach was a total waste of time and that the disturbed and disordered characters I was working with were, in fact, keenly aware of their problematic thinking and behavior, despite the fact that they might use the manipulation and impression-management tactics of “playing dumb,” “feigning innocence,” or “feigning ignorance” to cast things otherwise. And eventually I came to believe (as have several colleagues and researchers working in this area) that most of the time, when a disturbed character says “I don’t know” they really mean:
- “I’ve never really think about it that much.”
- “I don’t want to think about it.”
- “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
- “I know very well why I did it, but I certainly don’t want you to know because that would put you in a position of equal advantage with me — having my number, so to speak — and I won’t be able to manipulate you as easily or manage your impression of my character.”
- “I don’t want to disclose because I want you to buy into the notion that I’m basically a person of good character who made an unwitting mistake, oblivious about the harm I caused others — i.e., my intentions were benign and I am willing to increase my awareness with your guidance.”
So, “I don’t know” can mean any of the above and a whole host of other things. But in the case of the disturbed character, it never, ever truly means “I don’t know.” And when I politely but firmly stopped accepting “I don’t know” for an answer , I was astonished at how easily I began to get more straightforward answers that actually made sense. Most importantly, the games of impression management character-impaired clients tried to engage me in diminished dramatically. I also became fairly dramatically aware of how expert disturbed and disordered characters generally are on the subject of neurosis as well as the mindsets of many mental health professionals. They know how neurotics think, the attitudes they hold, and the naiveties that make them vulnerable to manipulation. They’re also familiar enough with the tenets of traditional psychology to know how to manipulate and impression-manage even a seasoned professional."
