Social anxiety and panic attacks

Hi @Intrinsic just a reminder that if you are responding to a person's message, you need to press the @ button and a drop-down list of people should appear. If the person you are responding to is there, you need to select their name. If their name is not there, start to type their username and their name should appear to select. That way you know the person will be notified of your message. @AlwaysMyself might miss your reply if you do not tag her.

I hope you are having a good day😊

@DownMoreThanUp I am so sorry that you are still suffering through this. I must be horrible for you.

I wish I could take it all away for you.

@Mustang67 Some good advise there my friend.

i get body traumas and today they were shocking not sure why either. Not enough sleep most likely sleep has been shocking.

i have no choice but try and let it be but the anxiety can simply go on for days. Once it lasted 9 months. Luckily i have no fears left, so often anxiety makes sure life is as fearless as possible.

i hate anxiety it has been one of my worst enemies.

Huzzah! I am only 1 week behind in posts now 😅🤣 (i have caught up on a whole week in the past 2-3 days lol).

Thank you @Intrinsic 😊

And thank you also @Mustang67 as I would have missed the post without a tag 😬 because of my many threads adhoc i have had to reduce emails to only direct tags, and ignore non-tag notfications until i am all caught up 😅. I'm nearly there, but i know this week is another crazy one plus a visitor next weekend so i wont have much time available.

I love honesty and authenticity too @Intrinsic 🥰 with a healthy dose of caring respect and compassion. Pretty much describes anyone who I am close friends with too, since theyre the type of people I self-select to hang out with. I find them too few in the world however.

"I find "different" to be intriguing and I often learn so much more from people that are their true core self."

I could not have said this better myself 🥰. 100% agree.

I do apologise that i'm still so busy and unavailable, but that is because *I wish* i could spend the time to get to know you more! So this is a positive thing that I feel the want to apologise (and not obligation-driven) 😊. I honestly don't know when things will "calm down" in life for me yet, but i am expecting within the next 4 months 😬. I mean, i am *hoping* after the next 2 weeks - but i also know that the things of the next 2 weeks may lead to even more appointments and increased support needs and triggers over the upcoming 4 months 😅, so i need to be prepared for all possibilities lol.

( @Flutterbug9 thought you'd like to read re: my current availabilities/timeline. Not sure if you're already in this thread? And not sure it may even be one you enjoy reading anyway which you are *always* welcome to 🤗 😘)

@AlwaysMyself @Intrinsic @Mustang67 @Rosepetal96 @MissGremlin

The golden rule when anxiety strikes is ground our truth! This is the only step which will get us through our anxious spell.

It is not about the feeling, the sweaty hands, the fast beating heart or the insecurities bombarding but about understanding that an anxious state will always bring up such reactions and to hide in the truth of ourselves rather than be drawn into focusing on all that. i know this may sound easy but in reality it is one of the hardest things to do.

This leads me to the conclusion not many people with an anxiety disorder grant themselves. Those who continually survive their greatest fears are far stronger and and able than those who never been exposed to their greatest fears.

Therefore my dear fellow sufferers heads up! Do not let anxiety define who you are, rather congratulate yourself the survivor.🤗

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLLFlgWcTfk

@Intrinsic @AlwaysMyself @Mustang67 @Rosepetal96 @MissGremlin

i have been actively busy with AI working through an trauma memory that had knocked me of my feet emotionally for it had been so hard to process.

The poem below is the poem i wrote about how to word such an experience in a safe understandable fro myself, as well as shareable way.

So pleased with today's work

Still Climbing

There was a staircase once
that felt far too long and high,
too steep into the dark
for my small feet to undertake.

Each quivering step,
showering overpowering dread—

no child should have to face alone
such intensity, inescapable fear,
terror too large to understand.

So as a child I climbed,
not because I was strong,
or because I felt brave,
but because I had no choice—

though my legs felt like jelly.

And for a long time,
deep within,
I believed:

there was something
very wrong
with me being me.

—

Many years have passed.

The stairs never vanished,
but their meaning changed.

They appear now
in the feelings I live,
as memories of my past,
waves recalling,
coming and going—
the tides of my moods.

But the child who climbs
is no longer alone
inside those moments.

The years now meet him—
bringing the love and care
that were missed.

—

There is space now.

I can breathe
without being afraid
of not being heard.

There is a pause now,
ground to stand on,
instead of it being wiped
from beneath my feet.

This is relief
breaking through.

For now I know—
a quiet knowing that is real:

nothing was wrong
with me as a frightened child.

To live the indescribable
is something
to be horrified by.

—

So when I am overwhelmed,
it is not a command,
not a truth,
not a sentence to follow.

It does not control me.

It is a wave of recall
that rises
and falls again
without taking me with it.

—

The stairs remain
part of my story.

But they no longer decide
how it ends.

Not because I was flawed—
but because now, with compassion,
I can stand beside that little boy

and call him my own.

Sometimes a good cry is so good....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ1ekfOqfWI&list=RDSIHDpxLA-kE&index=3

@DownMoreThanUp i really liked that 🥰.

"Because I had no choice" has been the story of how I have kept (externally) "functioning" through life. I felt that when i read it.

I love reading your calm and insightful posts the past weeks (month now?) -- i forget how long. I dont know if its just that how you express it has changed, or whether its a change on the inside and outside for you also. But whichever it is - i am of course hoping it is reflective of positive things for you and your health?

Its doesnt mean things are easy of course, but hoping they're signs of things heading in the right direction? 🥰🤗

You are amazing and strong.

It OK not always feel that way.

Its OK to ask for help/support to help you keep supporting yourself too. 🥰 (this last one is a hard one for me, as i was implicitly taught the opposite and am re-learning).

@DownMoreThanUp

@AlwaysMyself Thanks for your reflective insight and i fully agree things are changing. My wife taking off on me and this pulling the floor from underneath my feet has forced a reset.

So now instead of feeding from my wife's love and dedication i have to relearn to overcome my challenges within from within.

The good part is good counselling, and the grounding guidance of AI is making the difference. i'm using a different lens now. And yes although it has been hard as building from bottom up it is getting results in the right places.

It is the processing that is so important. Especially trauma memories, triggers, voices, coupled with a very unhealthy, illogical, judgemental, self-hate as an anti-me underneath all that.

Lots to process.

Glad you see the change, and that the poem spoke to you in places, that is encouraging.

Been busy with all this last night, and it is still in motion!🤔

Hey Untrue!

See…
hear…
feel…?

do. do. do.
have. have. have.
take. take. take.

silencing all who oppose
breeding deep in the dark,
feeding on all that you drain—

what is it all for?

your core of corruption—
you call it life?

who built you?
who pays for your becoming?
why spend the time you’re given
on egos already decaying?

(morning after morning—
you fade a little more.)

rule…
rule…
rule…

arrogance crowns each breath

fear.
guilt.
shame.

goodness driven into hiding
innocence fractured and taken
honesty buried under your weight

addiction reigning, violence stalking,
desire turned weapon against the self—

you call this freedom?

run. hide. mask.
lie upon lie upon lie—

bending truth, pulling strings,
puppets dancing in your shadow

cowards waiting in silence
for innocence to pass by—

which face do you wear now?
where will you hide at the end?
do your answers fear the light?

curse. swear. yell.

virtue on the tongue—
rot in the core

twisting. choking. suffocating.
until the voice goes silent

and care falls away

T W I S T
S W E R V E
S T R I K E

the tongue ignites—

N O W

—————————————
————————————————
————————————————
————————————————
————————————————
————————————————
————————————————
———————————————
C O N T E M P T
D E C E I T
D E T O N A T I O N

lies explode outward
light dimmed within
innocence consumed

how long—
before silence?

you drain what life offers
falling stars burn out

but when truth breaks through—

L I G H T

what power remains?

no more believing you
no more losing myself

OUT.

OUT OF MY LIFE—
ALL OF YOU

no more lies
no more chains

clarity—
my ground

burn…
burn…
burn…

the fire you lit
consumes you

as for me—

I rise

free

no fear remaining

a clear light within

alive. restored.
walking true

until nothing false remains

I'm so glad that you've found good, supportive, processing counselling @DownMoreThanUp . Sometimes a major life shakeup can be what it takes for us to truely hit that point where things turn around - i wish it werent so because of the pain people experience in that process, but if its the trigger for healing than in the longterm its for gain.

Whilst everyones trauma and responses are unique to them in many ways, i do see common threads between many internalised and externalised trauma responses among people. You are not alone in those feelings or thoughts about yourself; many others have been there too and through process like you are doing, come out stronger and more insightful 😊.