Social anxiety and panic attacks

Hi everyone,

I.am so grateful.to have found this group/forum, I am.struggling with feeling very alone and currently in a very dark place mentally.

I have been out of work the last few months so unfortunately this has given me more time to overthink, analyse, magnify and read into everything more

often than usual.

I have convinced myself that I am unwanted, not loved, hated, I feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back, I feel paranoid, highly.

misunderstood, judged, unwelcome and

my depression is at an all time high.

I just want to.share this with like minded people and not feel so incredibly low and alone all of the time.I have so much trouble sleeping, concentrating, focusing, being present, I am overly.emotional and sensitive all the time and I am constantly thinking about who I can blame for me being this way, I look back on my childhood and I have many people i could blame, even people I love and care about deeply. I am married , I have been with my husband almost 20 years and he is like a human calming force for me, he may not understand me completely but he grounds me, calms me and makes me feel loved, wanted, accepted, valuable, heard and seen.

Unfortunately where i live iis isolated, very far from family and friends, therefore I lost contact with close friends and only have contact through social media and phone calls. I honestly feel like I dont know who I am anymore, I look into the mirror and see a very sad, lonely misunderstood stranger. I do have a psychologist for therapy but unfortunately it does not feel like its helping and I did give it a chance for over two years, I cannot afford anyone else so that sadly is not an option at this point.

I would love to connect with others and even try helping others too.

A little background on me is that I am highly spiritual (not religious) so I have strong faith and belief in life after death, reincarnation, angels, ghosts, karma interacting with souls that are departed etc I respect all religions and would never force my belief system onto anyone.

I am an early childhood educator. I find that children, these little humans are rhe most authentic souls walking this Earth and they are filled with integrity, I know they do lie but never with any malicious intent. I am currently not working, I miss ths children with all my heart. Unfortunately since Covid its never been the same, im sure many here can relateI

I love music amd feel.it on a cellular level, right through to my core, it is like therapy for me. I am a huge movie buff, I especially love true crime shows and trying to solve the problems and guess who done it. I am also into psychological thrillers.

I have a close knit fanily and in-laws.

I am.highly intuitive, most people think im the real deal psychic, mostly because i have predicted countless future events and been very accurate in reading a person, I was told I should do psychic readings as a job but I dont want to.take money from people amd I would be too scared to make a mistake and ruin lives, I would prefer to keep it as a gift, although it can feel like a curse knowing horrible things about people's loved ones and not being able to give this information to people, my gut always tells me when I should intervene and when I shouldn't, I believe in fate very much and some things ate meant to be, even the most cruel.and unjust.

I love sleeping and I love eating 😋. I am very good at diffusing conflict. I have been called a vault for peoples secrets, anything anyone has confided in me will be taken to my grave.

I am extremely protective, loyal, gentle soul, compassionate, an empath and I can read people and sense who they truly are, I never call someone out in front of other's but I do warn anyone I care about to be careful of this individual.

The beach is my solace, I feel that I thrive mostly around any body of water, I find the ocean to be magical, there is no other place I would prefer to live out the rest of my days. I have chronic pain but I try not to let it rule my life, not easy sadly.

Ok enough avout me, if anyone has any questions I am an open book. I look forward to.forming connections, I am highly introverted, guarded, cautious, paranoid, protective, extremely private and the only reason I mention this is because I want be answering any personal questions that can disclose any of my private information. It is a pleasure joining this group amd I.truly look forward to having discussions with you all. Thank you for reading, please take care and be safe always. 🙏