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My life with depression and anxiety

My life with depression and anxiety

Hello Everyone,

I'm Dahlia. I feel like telling my story - of at least part of it - to anyone who feels like listening. Perhaps some of you wonderful people can relate.

I have struggled with metal health symptoms as far back as 8 years of age, perhaps even before that. My main problem is moderate to severe anxiety, I can also have panic attacks and a tendency towards depression. I do not really know why. I was depressed on and off even as a young child. I had very dark thoughts and my parents did not know what to do. I don't think child psychologists were a thing back then.

I was afraid of the dark, had tantrums, nightmares and was incredibly shy.

In my mid-thirties I had a complete breakdown and thought I was going crazy. I lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep and had constant racing thoughts. I saw a GP who referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed a lot of different medications. It was a six week wait to see a psychiatrist as an outpatient and during that time I suffered immensely with daily panic attacks.

Eventually the tablets seemed to help me, and I felt calmer and was able to gradually begin to get on with my life. The psychiatrist said I had major depression but did not feel the need for any further diagnosis. I fought my way back from depression and eventually stopped taking the medication. The psychiatrist did not know the cause of my depression but felt it could have had a genetic component.

I still lacked self-esteem and found it difficult to express my emotions. I often keep things bottled up and focus more on others than myself. I don't have negative feelings about myself or any self-destructive behaviours, although I am shy and introverted and like being alone. For the most part, I do feel some-what positive about my life and grateful that I have recovered from depression. It was 20 years ago that I had that breakdown.

During the past 20 years, I sought counselling a few times for severe anxiety related to events in my life - for example, when each of my parents passed away after long illnesses. The counselling did not solve my problems but at least it was an outlet. Other things I sort counselling for were work-related stress and the end of an important friendship.

Prior to having any kind of counselling, I don't think I ever felt listened to - by anyone in my life. People give you some of their politeness but rarely have time for you - that it how I have always felt. I think that sometimes even now, my closest friends are not exactly interested in me as a person. I tend to be the one doing all the listening. I would like to be able to change this around, but I don't expect my friends to be able to give me the same level of understanding as a professional counsellor can. That is too much to ask.

The other thing is that I was diagnosed with autism at about 50 years of age. This was a relief and helped me to understand myself better. I always thought that I was different but now I have a reason for that difference. Anyway, autism is a misunderstood condition that manifests in different ways in different people. Probably for me - I just find life very confusing and have to spend heaps of time and effort working out stuff that just comes naturally to others. That could have contributed to my childhood depression - but I'm not sure if the two conditions are related or not.

Lately I have decided to go back into counselling or therapy with a view to reducing my anxiety. It seems to be a long wait to get in anywhere. I think I would also like to go back to see a psychiatrist for an assessment to see if I have anything else that needs treatment, I presume the waiting times are very long these days. I don't know.

I see that I have written all this in a very matter-of-fact way. Believe me, even though it doesn't sound like it from the way I write, I am a very emotional person and spend a bit of time crying in private and quite a lot of time otherwise trying to manage and control my emotions!

Thanks for reading my story.

103 replies

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In response to: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @DahliaDreams I'm glad you could express yourself to your partner and he was at least trying to understand (you think). Hmmm.

That's good that you've woken up without anxiety! I wonder how you're feeling now. 🤔

How long are you holidaying for? I mean, do you have an itinerary or are you travelling around, stopping when and where you want? I would definitely need an itinerary to appease my anxiety!

I'm busy all this week of a morning helping out in an Opp shop. My ex-neighbour is coming down tomorrow afternoon with her five-year-old daughter. I'm looking forward to seeing them both although the smaller one really drains me. Ah, I love them both! 🤗 💛

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @heartathome @Appleblossom

thank you both so much for writing, you have no idea how much better I feel when I come online and see that people have replied to my posts.

@heartathome that's wonderful that you help out at an op-shop. I have always wanted to do that. I got halfway there once - they gave me some forms to fill out - but then I didn't follow it up. I should have done - they seem like such nice people there. Also, great that you are catching up with your friend and her little one.

@Appleblossom I hear you about academia. I finished some post-grad study a few years back and it wasn't a great experience. I don't think my supervisor liked me that much - anyway I was slightly scared of her and kept her at arm's length. That's a story for another day.

What do you study?

To all: Thanks, I am feeling better today. It's a big mystery to me how I will feel each day because there doesn't seem to be any rhyme of reason to it. The good news is that we are now in a gorgeous coastal town and staying here for a week - I plan on getting a lot of downtime here.

Holidays are definitely not all they are cracked up to be. The dream often doesn't match the reality, as I have found out many times in the past.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

I am not enrolled atm @DahliaDreams I dont need to increase my HECS debt for the good of the institution if they are not meeting my expectations. Most recently I dropped out of a Masters in Diversity and Inclusion. I have thought of OT in mental health, but apparently the training is better in the UK than here. I have been finding intellecually stimulating activities at low cost lately, so I really cant complain. I do music in ensembles which enter in international competitions (haha sounds flash) choir, run a singing group, play organ and engage in mad studies a bit, and am adding writing to my list again. So

pretty busy.

Yes it does feel good to get responses.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams I just spent an hour writing to you and lost it all!!! Grrr I can't write now as I'm too frustrated!! 💛

 

 

 

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hey @DahliaDreams

I'm back. I'm glad you've got a week in a small coastal town. Do you enjoy the sun and surf? Hopefully you'll be able to relax there!

Vinnies application for volunteer work was ridiculous! They wanted so much information and a lot of it had to be done online. Well, it stumped me. I had to get help to fill in the forms. Even they had trouble!

My ex-neighbour and daughter didn't make it down yesterday, but I'll catch up with them next week hopefully, when I go and spend the night with my son. I try and see them every two or three weeks. They live an hour away from me.

I hope the day is gentle with you!

Talk soon. 💛

 

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hi @Appleblossom @heartathome

and to everyone reading this. I have been a bit glum that last couple of days. I can't really explain any of it. It's nice being by the beach and I am spending a lot of time just looking at the water. My partner is busy with work-related things while we are here. I'm not sure if I am happy about that or not. At least I have down-time - which I was craving before Christmas. But part of me feels super lonely.

The intake person from the free counselling service finally rang me - I wasn't forgotten. It seems I'd misunderstood about the timeframe for the call-back. It can take weeks and weeks. The do offer psychology services with an intern psychologist at very low cost. But it could take up to 6 months for a place to become available. I've decided to wait it out, as seeing a psychologist privately would be hundreds of dollars out of pocket. If you just want to see a "counsellor" (with this same service) then it's free, but the wait times are similar. I asked to see the intern psychologist, if possible, but I think they make the final decision on who I will see based on my answers to a lot of personal questions.

By the way - the intake person sounded very stressed on the phone and I felt sorry for her.

@heartathome

Yep, normally I love the sun and surf but now that I am here I feel a bit deflated. Do you like the beach?
I'm glad to see other middle-aged women sitting alone on the beach, it makes me feel more normal somehow. Sometimes I would like to talk to people, but I know that it's usually not socially acceptable to do that - so I don't.

When I was young, usually men would approach me to talk but that never happens anymore, lol. Now I realize too late that that was not a great situation to be in anyway, but I was naive.

@Appleblossom

I'd love to hear about why you dropped out of your Master's program - but only if you feel like taking about it. My post-grad study was a big disappointment and I forced myself to finish it by sheer will-power. I guess I've never let myself acknowledge how disappointed I was by that experience.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams

I have been away, and just got back today.

For the last few months I have been uncharacteristically dark due to an interpersonal conflict with a "badly behaved" psychiatrist, plus witnessing a an ex high ranking bureacrat manipulate the system to cut us out of relationship with my grandson and the impact of the failure of some systems in dealing with my son. So a blooming LOT! I didnt let it totally wreck my annual music holiday, and had a lot of good moments while away, and working internally on the best way to handle the troublesome musical "colleague".

Over the last 20 years, I have interacted socially a lot with academics and various professionals through my engagement with the arts. When I Was young I was the first in my family to be in tertiary, but now I am older I have a broader experience about what constitutes the different disciplines and the individuals involved. I used to suck it up. As you do, cos we wanna get our kwals. lol.

I began a Masters in Diversity and Inclusion and had high hopes, but found the course co-ordinator very narrow and rigid in her thinking and the application of her particular carer experience. I found her a bit patronising and uninformed about mental health issues. She prioritised physical disability, and I respect the needs of those who are physically disabled, but it was not my reason for studying, and her course made other assumptions which were not respectful of me. I had originally studied in a much higher ranking institution 38 years previously. Yes I can speak and spell English. lol. I was not going to submit, as simply getting the qualification was no longer a pressing need. My authenticity and advocacy were more important. I finished one unit, cos I usually finish stuff. I surveyed the scene researched the people, and thought it wasn't worth my time or further HECS debt. I also began a Diploma of Community Services with the possibility of teaching it, but after a couple weeks thought it would be morally inappropriate for to do so. I care about mental health from a broad perspective, and am not desperate for money, and am too old to compromise myself or my beliefs.

My week away was with many nerdy musical types and I did half a dozen performances and we had lots of tuition and ensemble playing. We did 9 to 9 music, walking from boarding house to dining hall to next session etc etc. Full on. I love it, and growing closer relationships with people who go.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

I've only just come across your post @DahliaDreams .

I don't know how I could have missed it! 😟 I'm so sorry for the late, late, late reply! Are you back home? How are you feeling now?

I love to look at the ocean but find the waves too rough to swim in these days. I do swim very occasionally in a beautiful clear river. It's usually a quick in and out though! My ceiling fans and the sea breeze work for me. 🙂

I'm glad the service didn't 'forget' you! When do you find out if you're on the list for a psychologist or counsellor? 💚

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello, I am back from my trip.

Thanks @Appleblossom and @heartathome for your messages.

I am feeling better now, it is good to be home. The free counselling intake people rang me back again to double check which town I wanted to have my appointments in. This time, they said it would be "a few months" so I don't know what to think - whether it will be sooner or later, it's hard to tell. I plan to go ahead with the counselling even if I continue to improve. I don't know if they will assign me a counsellor or an intern psychologist.

I am trying to but a self-care plan in place - sobriety (currently on day 4)

- yoga & exercise

- nutritious food and a vitamin suppliant

- boundaries with everyone (complicated)

- art

@Appleblossom, thanks for sharing your experienced with higher education. I understand completely. I had someone - my supervisor - who was not a good fit for me and I found her patronizing from the start. I forced myself to get along with her and be super-nice to her in order to get by. Perhaps this was very bad for me, I don't know. It was self-protective behaviour on my part.

Eventually when I finished the course, everyone was sent an email to give feed-back to the uni and so I let it rip. I did not name her in my statement, (I can't remember what I said - but maybe I just said "the department" rather than using names) but if she happened to be one of the people who read my feedback then she would have been pretty offended, I guess.

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed your music week away. I love music but have no talent in that area.

Hey @heartathome - now worries about the late reply. How are you doing today?

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Welcome back @DahliaDreams I'm glad you're feeling better at home. I understand that. I go an hour away to see my son and friends from the old town I used to live in. I usually stay a night and get really sick of packing and unpacking. I don't like change too much!

I plan to go ahead with the counselling even if I continue to improve. I think that's a great idea because there always seems to be things that come up.

Well done to you on four days sober!! I'm so proud of you! I reckon it would be one of the hardest things to stay off because of all the pubs and bottle shops around! I hardly drink at all although I'm an addict myself with something different so no judgement here!

My experience of putting up boundaries is that it upsets those that want me back in the familiar box. Too bad, too sad I say. Put those boundaries up anyway! It brings peace to our own mental health. Bloody hard to be consistent but worth it. 💜

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