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My life with depression and anxiety

My life with depression and anxiety

Hello Everyone,

I'm Dahlia. I feel like telling my story - of at least part of it - to anyone who feels like listening. Perhaps some of you wonderful people can relate.

I have struggled with metal health symptoms as far back as 8 years of age, perhaps even before that. My main problem is moderate to severe anxiety, I can also have panic attacks and a tendency towards depression. I do not really know why. I was depressed on and off even as a young child. I had very dark thoughts and my parents did not know what to do. I don't think child psychologists were a thing back then.

I was afraid of the dark, had tantrums, nightmares and was incredibly shy.

In my mid-thirties I had a complete breakdown and thought I was going crazy. I lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep and had constant racing thoughts. I saw a GP who referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed a lot of different medications. It was a six week wait to see a psychiatrist as an outpatient and during that time I suffered immensely with daily panic attacks.

Eventually the tablets seemed to help me, and I felt calmer and was able to gradually begin to get on with my life. The psychiatrist said I had major depression but did not feel the need for any further diagnosis. I fought my way back from depression and eventually stopped taking the medication. The psychiatrist did not know the cause of my depression but felt it could have had a genetic component.

I still lacked self-esteem and found it difficult to express my emotions. I often keep things bottled up and focus more on others than myself. I don't have negative feelings about myself or any self-destructive behaviours, although I am shy and introverted and like being alone. For the most part, I do feel some-what positive about my life and grateful that I have recovered from depression. It was 20 years ago that I had that breakdown.

During the past 20 years, I sought counselling a few times for severe anxiety related to events in my life - for example, when each of my parents passed away after long illnesses. The counselling did not solve my problems but at least it was an outlet. Other things I sort counselling for were work-related stress and the end of an important friendship.

Prior to having any kind of counselling, I don't think I ever felt listened to - by anyone in my life. People give you some of their politeness but rarely have time for you - that it how I have always felt. I think that sometimes even now, my closest friends are not exactly interested in me as a person. I tend to be the one doing all the listening. I would like to be able to change this around, but I don't expect my friends to be able to give me the same level of understanding as a professional counsellor can. That is too much to ask.

The other thing is that I was diagnosed with autism at about 50 years of age. This was a relief and helped me to understand myself better. I always thought that I was different but now I have a reason for that difference. Anyway, autism is a misunderstood condition that manifests in different ways in different people. Probably for me - I just find life very confusing and have to spend heaps of time and effort working out stuff that just comes naturally to others. That could have contributed to my childhood depression - but I'm not sure if the two conditions are related or not.

Lately I have decided to go back into counselling or therapy with a view to reducing my anxiety. It seems to be a long wait to get in anywhere. I think I would also like to go back to see a psychiatrist for an assessment to see if I have anything else that needs treatment, I presume the waiting times are very long these days. I don't know.

I see that I have written all this in a very matter-of-fact way. Believe me, even though it doesn't sound like it from the way I write, I am a very emotional person and spend a bit of time crying in private and quite a lot of time otherwise trying to manage and control my emotions!

Thanks for reading my story.

103 replies

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In response to: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

I am really glad that you are getting on well with your psychologist. @DahliaDreams hang on to that.

I haven't done lots of CBT, but try and look at it a little, like all the different modalities. Hope it continues to work for you.

About your friend - being a bit aspie myself, I can relate to not being quick to pick up social cues. Maybe we are not as bad as some, if we can avoid frequent disputes. Mostly I am keeping socially and learning to get better, and having deeper connections than ever, and being more extroverted. I also had contact yesterday with someone I first met 55 years ago. She called up after 1 1/2 years, I was polite and decent, but I am not feeling that she is really a friend for me, despite going back so far. Yes, she tells me things about others that make me uncomfortable, like laughing about divorcing her ex on his birthday. I am tired of hearing that kind of stuff. She finds it hard to say caring things to me. She has a very tough personality. I was also very conflict avoidant which isn't always good, cos, we dont get the oppportunity to work through stuff and make repair etc. But am not sure it is going to be worth it with her. not interested in escalating and argy bargy. I will leave the ball in her court.

Not sure whats right for your situation, cos each relationship is unique. Hope you feel better soon.

All you can do is be yourself.

take care

In response to: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @DahliaDreams

I asked AI if there was a difference between giving an opinion, advice and offering a suggestion. Big difference!

  • Offering an opinion is what you think or believe. It's your perspective
  • Offering advice is a recommendation about what someone should do. It moves from observation to suggestion or direction.
  • Offering a suggestion is in the middle. It's technically giving advice but in a softer way.

Have you and your friend been in contact since?

I have a bad habit of giving advice to my 35-year-old son! When I do that, he feels like I'm telling him what to do and that he's not smart enough to work it out himself. He hates it with a passion! I don't blame him because I remember what it was like with my mother!

The thing is that she does tend to get into an unusual number of arguments/disagreements with other people, according to the stories she gives me. It sounds like your friend has very strong opinions. Does she?

I'm glad about the rapport with your psychologist. I think trusting them and safety is the start but there has to be a connection first. What do you think Dahlia? You're the one who's in that situation at the moment. I'd be interested to hear.

My psychiatrist did CBT with me for three years (30 years ago) and it helped a lot! I didn't say much the first year. I would just give him my journal to read but found it really hard to talk about it when he'd ask a question after reading it.

It's really good to hear from you! I've been thinking about you and how you're travelling. Thanks for the update.

Sending hugs and hippy love 💜

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @Appleblossom and @heartathome

it is nice to hear from you both. I am doing a bit better with my anxiety right now. It's strange how certain things set me off and then that situation passes, but then a day or two later I'll feel anxious about something else. That's the pattern.

With my friend, we have been texting quite bit since our lunch date and everything seems okay. The anxiety just dissolved over time. She is opinionated and has a habit of upsetting people, even though she doesn't mean to.


@Appleblossom yes, your friend who laughed about divorcing her ex on his birthday - that would rub me up the wring way too. I guess that could be a trauma response, laughing instead of crying, but it does sound mean. It is hard to listen to that kind of thing. I think just leaving the conversation where it was and not making any move for further contact sounds like a plan. I am actually like that with quite a lot of people. I don't mind listening to them, but I don't necessarily reach out.

I think that in that case, people who have a story to tell you just move onto someone else who might be more receptive and that is fine with me.

About the CBT - well, I was hoping to learn that there was some new treatment that I didn't know about already that would offer some hope, but it seems there are no new developments with anxiety treatments. CBT at least I can understand, so that's a start.

@heartathome that's for sharing about your son. I don't have children, but I remember being young and not wanting anyone's advice. Parents just want to show their love and support by talking things through and that usually involves advice-giving - it comes with the territory. But part of growing up is a strong urge to make our own decisions - which is natural too, I think.

Yes, I can see that my friend probably did not want to hear my opinion about how to behave in public, like I was being too stern or came across as scolding her or something I suppose. I meant to be supportive but I will be careful with her in the future regarding that kind of thing.

About the psychologist, so far I trust her and feel very comfortable with her. I've seen her three times over three weeks. I'm not sure if there is any kind of personal connection. I'm not sure I feel very connected with anyone really. That could be my autism, or it could be just me. I tend to sum people up by observing them in action and then I get an impression of what they might be like - either someone feels safe or they do not - or else they could be a grey area where I am yet to decide.

Now I'm really rambling on. Disregard all this if it's boring. lol

To sum someone up, I just listen to the tone of someone's voice, look at their facial expressions and mannerisms, listen to the words they choose and how responsive they are and if they are listening to what I am saying. Are there pauses to process things and do they make empathetic eye contact? Overall, I get a feeling that someone is basically safe because all the cues seem to be there. They can't seem too familiar or too prying, either, that wouldn't be comfortable for me and I would try to change the subject. This psychologist passes my Aspie safety assessment. She is in my assessment a good and caring person, someone who has all the personal attributes that her profession requires. lol

Welcome to my weird world. Last time I saw the psychologist, I felt very heavy and full of emotion during the session and afterwards. There were tears in my eyes during the session, so I was definitely in contact with my feelings. There are a lot of feeling there, and some of them are very mysterious to me. Her aim is to give me space to express those feelings in the hope that I will take this skill forward into my personal life and talk more about myself, my needs and my wants.

xx

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