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My life with depression and anxiety

My life with depression and anxiety

Hello Everyone,

I'm Dahlia. I feel like telling my story - of at least part of it - to anyone who feels like listening. Perhaps some of you wonderful people can relate.

I have struggled with metal health symptoms as far back as 8 years of age, perhaps even before that. My main problem is moderate to severe anxiety, I can also have panic attacks and a tendency towards depression. I do not really know why. I was depressed on and off even as a young child. I had very dark thoughts and my parents did not know what to do. I don't think child psychologists were a thing back then.

I was afraid of the dark, had tantrums, nightmares and was incredibly shy.

In my mid-thirties I had a complete breakdown and thought I was going crazy. I lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep and had constant racing thoughts. I saw a GP who referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed a lot of different medications. It was a six week wait to see a psychiatrist as an outpatient and during that time I suffered immensely with daily panic attacks.

Eventually the tablets seemed to help me, and I felt calmer and was able to gradually begin to get on with my life. The psychiatrist said I had major depression but did not feel the need for any further diagnosis. I fought my way back from depression and eventually stopped taking the medication. The psychiatrist did not know the cause of my depression but felt it could have had a genetic component.

I still lacked self-esteem and found it difficult to express my emotions. I often keep things bottled up and focus more on others than myself. I don't have negative feelings about myself or any self-destructive behaviours, although I am shy and introverted and like being alone. For the most part, I do feel some-what positive about my life and grateful that I have recovered from depression. It was 20 years ago that I had that breakdown.

During the past 20 years, I sought counselling a few times for severe anxiety related to events in my life - for example, when each of my parents passed away after long illnesses. The counselling did not solve my problems but at least it was an outlet. Other things I sort counselling for were work-related stress and the end of an important friendship.

Prior to having any kind of counselling, I don't think I ever felt listened to - by anyone in my life. People give you some of their politeness but rarely have time for you - that it how I have always felt. I think that sometimes even now, my closest friends are not exactly interested in me as a person. I tend to be the one doing all the listening. I would like to be able to change this around, but I don't expect my friends to be able to give me the same level of understanding as a professional counsellor can. That is too much to ask.

The other thing is that I was diagnosed with autism at about 50 years of age. This was a relief and helped me to understand myself better. I always thought that I was different but now I have a reason for that difference. Anyway, autism is a misunderstood condition that manifests in different ways in different people. Probably for me - I just find life very confusing and have to spend heaps of time and effort working out stuff that just comes naturally to others. That could have contributed to my childhood depression - but I'm not sure if the two conditions are related or not.

Lately I have decided to go back into counselling or therapy with a view to reducing my anxiety. It seems to be a long wait to get in anywhere. I think I would also like to go back to see a psychiatrist for an assessment to see if I have anything else that needs treatment, I presume the waiting times are very long these days. I don't know.

I see that I have written all this in a very matter-of-fact way. Believe me, even though it doesn't sound like it from the way I write, I am a very emotional person and spend a bit of time crying in private and quite a lot of time otherwise trying to manage and control my emotions!

Thanks for reading my story.

103 replies

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In response to: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @Lapis_Anteater @heartathome @REDLINEZ750 @Appleblossom and everyone else too,

No need to reply - I am just getting my thoughts down this morning.

Yesterday, I should have been content because all our Xmas visitors had left and I finally had the house to myself. I could just wind down and it was a relief. But I felt gloomy.

I call it "The Gloom" whenever I need a name for it. I suppose it's like depression. It's the other side to anxiety. Mostly I'm anxious, but when I'm not, I can sometimes get depressed. It's a feeling of hopelessness, but underneath everything, I can't find any reason for it.

Things are okay; nothing bad happened over Xmas. Everyone got along, everyone claimed to enjoy themselves. Believe me, I had no expectations that I would have a wonderful time, or even a good time. I just cooked, served and got on with things. I allowed myself a few 'time outs' where I retreated to the bedroom and lay down for a while.

I don't like Xmas much and it feels forced and pointless to me. I don't like the materialism of it and because I don't follow Christianity, I feel like I'm celebrating a tradition that isn't for me. I suppose all these things contribute to me feeling blue. When I write them down, there seems to be more reasons behind my gloom.

Content/trigger warning
Trigger warning - dark thoughts.

Even though these are only fleeting thoughts, I wanted to write about them. I am very safe.

Yesterday (and definitely not for the first time) I began to feel like death would be a good escape for me. Like, I would never have to feel anxious again and I would be peaceful. This seemed fleetingly appealing. It was weird. I don't think I have ever told anyone about this. I suppose I told my psychiatrist 20 years ago, but we didn't discuss it at length.

It also happened a few years ago after I felt rejected by someone over something. (Details wouldn't help you to understand I don't think?) Even then, I was very safe, I knew I would never act on it.

After that episode a few years ago, I thought about the episode itself a few times, trying to understand why it happened. I really don't know why, other than it's part of being depressed and anxious. It is part of who I am?

I am not on any medication and even though I called the local hospital's free counselling service a few weeks ago to put my name of the list for counselling, they never called me back. The person I spoke to told me that a clinician would call me, but that never happened. I suppose I feel a little rejected by that.

Also, other stressful things happened this year.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Morning @DahliaDreams

Thank you for sharing how you're feeling with us! I'm glad you feel safe enough to share! i have often thought I would have been better not to be born but would never do anything about it but try and tell myself that I'm meant to be here.

I'm glad you got some time out on Christmas day. How many people did you have there?

Even though I'm a Christian, I hate Christmas day. I feel so alone because I have no family around me. My son works over Christmas if he gets half a chance. Good money. He made $750 on Christmas day! He's a wardsman at a hospital about an hour away.

The person I spoke to told me that a clinician would call me, but that never happened. I see that happens a lot and it's not good enough! I'm sick of seeing people fall through the cracks because of that kind of thing! Are you up to ringing them back when they return?

Take good care of yourself Dahliadreams! I wish a peaceful day for you and hope you can process what you're feeling. 💛

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams your right Christmas is forced, it's two days later where's the love gone society teaches the foolish when they can share affection and it's a joke.

.eg, fathers Day my children are between early 20s and 30s and still get upset when I tell them don't buy me gifts, why? Coz your told to?

Every day your alive and healthy even if struggling is fathers Day to. Me not a card and a suggestion I smell bad Christmas why do I want to buy something in the hope you might like it when everyday of the year I can give you money when you need it .

The gloom for me is conquered my music, here's a good one that's able to show you the gloom is real for many your not alone but it's clear at the end don't be consumed by it.

Stay where the light is, no Christianity just reality

I hope it helps, it may hurt to start but please let it play to the end and get the message

https://youtu.be/Fo4746XZgw8?si=PrqkvpTR7A2RhtDP

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams

I can really relate... Mostly I'm anxious, but when I'm not, I can sometimes get depressed. It's a feeling of hopelessness, ... Me too.

Yes, there is a lot of falling between the cracks in our so called Mental Health system. Happened to me and the people I love.

I tried to be quietly optimistic today about Christmas and I am grateful for any of the contacts, online and in person. I have 4 beautiful photos which I cannot share, but I will look at them a lot ... for me.

We can only do what we can. Good on you for doing the cooking and hospitality. Maybe you are exhausted from that. Gradually your spirits may lift...

I also have a death anniversary on Christmas Day, so its an especially mixed bag for me, for the last 10 years. Tricky to get through.

Take care

@REDLINEZ750 @heartathome @Lapis_Anteater @AuntGlow

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Thanks @Appleblossom @heartathome @REDLINEZ750

for offering support. I am feeling better now.

Thanks each of you also for telling more about your circumstances. I'll write mor later, I'm just really tired right now - I had to work today.

xx

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Good Morning @Appleblossom @REDLINEZ750 @AuntGlow @Lapis_Anteater @heartathome and also everyone else who has been reading.

A great big thank you for all your support and encouragement, As always, - no need to reply to this.

I had meant to write sooner but my partner and I decided to take a trip away to the coast, so we have been traveling and there hasn't been much downtime. Plenty of time for reflection though, as I've been sitting in the car while we zoom along the highways.

I am feeling better. It's a slow process. The anxiety seems to have gone but I am spending a lot of time thinking about all the things that have happened in my life. So many good things have happened (mainly though my sheer hard work and determination) but other bad stuff has also happened, and I wonder if you ever truly get over the bad stuff.

When we get home, I do plan on calling the free counselling service through the public hospital again - the ones who said they'd call me back and who never called. It would be good to connect with a professional again to maybe just discuss all the things I could be doing to help myself... i seem to have forgotten what they are.

How is everyone feeling today?

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hey @DahliaDreams

I hope you have had a pleasant new year so far and have been enjoying your trip. The coast sounds beautiful. Driving through highways does certainly give you time to think. I’m glad you’re feeling better. It is definitely a slow process, usually one that is slower than is fair. I don’t know if we ever get over all the bad stuff. Hopefully in the end the good outweighs the bad. It’s great that you can recognise that your effort has proven fruitful. Hopefully the free counselling service can get you connected with some more support. It’s wonderful that you are so willing to help yourself. It can be a struggle sometimes, especially if you feel like you are stuck and you can’t see a path forward.

I’ve been good. Just trying to relax before the restart of university on Monday. I have my final assessment for the trimester next week. Hopefully I have done enough prep to do alright. We shall see. I caught up with my friends yesterday. That was nice. So far the year has been alright.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams your trip sounds lovely. I love the coast.

i had a good day, though yesterday a loved one was hit with a doozie. We just try and survive and go with the flow.

Have you used the mental health care plans, where you get 10 sessions, or did you just want a one off discussion.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @Lapis_Anteater

good luck with your studies. An assessment sounds daunting, I hope it all goes smoothly for you. I remember university days and how much energy and thought I used to put into my studies... same with high school, I was very dedicated. I can't imagine feeling that way about anything right now, I seem to have lost my drive.

Do you find reading people's thoughts on this forum helpful for what you are learning?

Hi @Appleblossom

Good to hear from you. I hope your friend will be okay. She is lucky to have your support.

I will have to go back and read the info from the free counselling service, but I remember that they don't require a doctor's referral, anyone can refer themselves. So, I'm not sure if they do a mental health care plan or not. This is a service I found online when my friend was experiencing some mental health troubles and needed something that was free or almost free. She actually called them and is now seeing a therapist.

She seems very guarded when I ask her about it, I ask her if she feels listened to and if she is getting something out of it. So I don't know really - she may just not want to talk about it (which is surprising since she tells me everything usually and has no filter. lol)

To everyone:

Yesterday was actually a bad day for me. I was able to express this to my partner, and he understood as best he could, I think. I had moderate anxiety for most of the day. I don't know why exactly. I am safe.
I think I'm over-stimulated with our travel schedule. Holidays should be relaxing but we've been moving around a lot from place to place and I don't feel a sense of stability. I am falling asleep a lot in the car now, which is good. I feel over-tired.

This morning, I seem to have woken up without anxiety so we'll see how the day goes.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams

I hope the day passes reasonably well, so you can make the most of your holidays. Yep sometimes they aren't all they are cracked up to be. I used to be a dedicated student too. I dip into it occasionally and maybe will go back to it, but now that I am old I am going to be fussy. It will have to be a worthwhile course with good teachers, if I want to be bothered, and I am actually not that impressed anymore by academia. So...idk ... lol

Best wishes for the New Year all ...

@REDLINEZ750 @heartathome @AuntGlow

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