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My life with depression and anxiety

My life with depression and anxiety

Hello Everyone,

I'm Dahlia. I feel like telling my story - of at least part of it - to anyone who feels like listening. Perhaps some of you wonderful people can relate.

I have struggled with metal health symptoms as far back as 8 years of age, perhaps even before that. My main problem is moderate to severe anxiety, I can also have panic attacks and a tendency towards depression. I do not really know why. I was depressed on and off even as a young child. I had very dark thoughts and my parents did not know what to do. I don't think child psychologists were a thing back then.

I was afraid of the dark, had tantrums, nightmares and was incredibly shy.

In my mid-thirties I had a complete breakdown and thought I was going crazy. I lost a lot of weight, couldn't sleep and had constant racing thoughts. I saw a GP who referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed a lot of different medications. It was a six week wait to see a psychiatrist as an outpatient and during that time I suffered immensely with daily panic attacks.

Eventually the tablets seemed to help me, and I felt calmer and was able to gradually begin to get on with my life. The psychiatrist said I had major depression but did not feel the need for any further diagnosis. I fought my way back from depression and eventually stopped taking the medication. The psychiatrist did not know the cause of my depression but felt it could have had a genetic component.

I still lacked self-esteem and found it difficult to express my emotions. I often keep things bottled up and focus more on others than myself. I don't have negative feelings about myself or any self-destructive behaviours, although I am shy and introverted and like being alone. For the most part, I do feel some-what positive about my life and grateful that I have recovered from depression. It was 20 years ago that I had that breakdown.

During the past 20 years, I sought counselling a few times for severe anxiety related to events in my life - for example, when each of my parents passed away after long illnesses. The counselling did not solve my problems but at least it was an outlet. Other things I sort counselling for were work-related stress and the end of an important friendship.

Prior to having any kind of counselling, I don't think I ever felt listened to - by anyone in my life. People give you some of their politeness but rarely have time for you - that it how I have always felt. I think that sometimes even now, my closest friends are not exactly interested in me as a person. I tend to be the one doing all the listening. I would like to be able to change this around, but I don't expect my friends to be able to give me the same level of understanding as a professional counsellor can. That is too much to ask.

The other thing is that I was diagnosed with autism at about 50 years of age. This was a relief and helped me to understand myself better. I always thought that I was different but now I have a reason for that difference. Anyway, autism is a misunderstood condition that manifests in different ways in different people. Probably for me - I just find life very confusing and have to spend heaps of time and effort working out stuff that just comes naturally to others. That could have contributed to my childhood depression - but I'm not sure if the two conditions are related or not.

Lately I have decided to go back into counselling or therapy with a view to reducing my anxiety. It seems to be a long wait to get in anywhere. I think I would also like to go back to see a psychiatrist for an assessment to see if I have anything else that needs treatment, I presume the waiting times are very long these days. I don't know.

I see that I have written all this in a very matter-of-fact way. Believe me, even though it doesn't sound like it from the way I write, I am a very emotional person and spend a bit of time crying in private and quite a lot of time otherwise trying to manage and control my emotions!

Thanks for reading my story.

103 replies

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In response to: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

I like the way this meme shows what it's like for an addict @DahliaDreams I think many people could understand this analogy. 💚

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams I am glad you are on the list to get counselling eventually. Mostly, it is within ourselves that the work occurs, but I found the actual structure of opening up to somebody helpful. It gives me permission to open and experimental and reaching out, rather than quiet and not speaking. I am not good at recognising how to be different with more social interactions. I hae a work mode, where I can be task oriented, but the actual social side of sharing and being ME is Very much a work in progress.

Welcome back

I associated with many who were using various substances as a teen and early 20s. It was a long time ago, but I tend not to be judgie. I had one great conversation on the bus with a lady who struggled a lot as an addict and had done a fair bit of jail time. We got on for the hour sitting together. I guess I share the bits of me that seem to relate to other person and let the conversation unfold.

taking care of you is the way to go

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hello @Appleblossom @heartathome @MissGremlin @REDLINEZ750 @Jinx

and all,

Thanks to all of you for tagging me, etc and writing here, of course.
I found out a few days ago that the date for my first appointment with the interim psychologist is today. She called me and she sounds very nice and also young.

I have a few doubts about seeing a psychologist who is a lot younger than me, but I am willing to give it a go. At least they will be up to date with all the latest treatments for anxiety (if there are any) and that is my main interest in doing this.

As far as discussing my life circumstances and relationships, I don't mind doing that but I don't expect anything new will be revealed - like, any thoughts or tendencies or behaviours that I am not already aware of, since I think I have a lot of insight - but maybe everyone thinks that 😊

It will be interesting to see how a community health centre organises this kind of thing (psychology services) these days. I get the feeling that they are very pinched for funding. I'm sad that not everyone who needs help can access psychology services when they need them, completely covered by Medicare. It's a bad reflection on our society, I guess.

I will try to write an update on my first appointment tonight. xx

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Just dropping in to say hi @DahliaDreams

Good news about seeing a psychologist today. I hope you get some good nuggets from her, despite her age. Will you see her in person? I look forward to your update later. 💜

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Thanks @heartathome,

it is nice to hear from you. I had the appointment this afternoon - I saw the psychologist in person, at the community hub in the next large town (about an hour away).

She was not as young as she sounded on the phone, so that was a relief. I was left with an overall good impression of her, she has a nice gentle manner and is very encouraging and listened to everything I said.

I did break down in tears once during our session, even though we didn't go deep. This surprised me and really made me think about the level of emotion that dwells beneath the surface for me. It was a relief to get in touch with my feelings like that, and I feel calmer now.

Good news is that she can see me at the same time next week.

How are you doing today @heartathome?

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

That sounds really positive about the psychologist @DahliaDreams and I'm really glad that it went so well, especially when you're driving an hour away (in the country) to see her!

the level of emotion that dwells beneath the surface for me. I can relate to that. Nothing wrong with tears! I still have a lot of them below the surface! I think crying in a safe space (maybe even with a safe person) is therapeutic and healing. How many sessions do you get with her?

I just found out a couple of days ago that my sister is fighting cancer for the third time. I'm feeling anxious, fighting off catastrophic thinking and feeling emotional in bouts. I'm okay at the moment. I've got a couple of supportive friends who are there for me! I'm grateful! 💜

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams

I am glad today went well and she feels like a good fit for you. It is the you showing up at each session that is most important, but who the therapist is, does influence how that can unfold.

I can relate to a lot of feelings under the surface.

I am working on finding different ways to express myself more fully.

I am grateful for my psychologist.

take care

@AuntGlow @heartathome

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Good morning @heartathome & @Appleblossom

Hello to everyone who might be reading this.

@heartathome I am very sorry to hear that your sister's cancer is back. That must be very stressful for you, it is always scary when a loved one is sick. I remember the feelings I had when each of my parents were unwell - it was not good at all.

I am glad to hear you have supportive friends in your life.

@Appleblossom - yes, it is the showing up that is important with therapy. I also need to remind myself that the sessions are for me and that I get to talk about what I want to talk about. I'm so used to deferring to everyone else in my life that I often think I'm just there to give the 'right' answers and to make the therapist comfortable (and like me.) That must sound ridiculous to some, but It's been a lifetime of this kind of thing for me. It's self-protective behaviour.

xx

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

@DahliaDreams

people pleasing, deferring and keeping peace are protective behaviours. I have felt the need to adapt myself to fit others.

one little idea i absorbed when studying counselling, is that people can only change about a third of their personality, even if it looks like a complete about turn. Some self acceptance is necessary. I am not very good at being assertive, but I am working on it.

take care and good luck on your journey.

In response to: Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Re: My life with depression and anxiety

Hi @Appleblossom and @heartathome and all,

no need to reply to this.

I feel like writing today - I'm feeling anxious right now. I went out to lunch with my friend, and it should have been a nice day for us. In many ways it was nice... I realise there are plenty of people who don't even feel comfortable enough to leave their houses or don't have friends they can socialise with. So straight up off the bat I feel a bit ungrateful.

My friend has her own problems (don't we all?) and I usually don't mind listening to her and trying to offer reassurance and all that kind of thing. But unfortunately, sometimes her anxiety feeds my anxiety and this is what must have happened today. Possibly.

She told me a story about how she got into a verbal exchange with a stranger and I just cringed for her. I said that it's basically okay to offer your opinion to a stranger over something if you feel the need, but if they come back at you with hostility, then just apologise and walk away. Well, that is my opinion, but she probably wanted me to say something else. It's hard to tell. But she physically got up to the leave a table for a moment, so I must have upset her. I guess I can't read her mind but her getting up from the table like that - I assumed she must have been upset.
She returned and we got onto a different topic of conversation.

So really it was nothing and I know she does appreciate my friendship. I have known her for a long time. On the plus side, she has never said a mean word to me. The thing is that she does tend to get into an unusual number of arguments/disagreements with other people, according to the stories she gives me. So my body language and tone might have been conveying "Oh no, not again!"

I suppose the thing is, being autistic, I'm not good with complex social cues and reading between the lines. I feel like we left on very good terms after the lunch, but I kind of regret spending the day with her now. I feel like the incident has brought me down.

On a more positive note, I saw my psychologist for the second time last week. She really is a very nice person who is easy to talk to, and she has given me a few things to think about. She got back to me with the main question I asked of her. It seems that cognitive behavioural therapy is still the treatment of choice for anxiety. So we are going to proceed with that.

How are you all doing?

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