TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Angry and alone
Hi. I know I should write some sort of intro but just don't really know what there is to say.
I'm feeling angry and alone and like there's no one who cares.
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Angry and alone
459 replies
In response to: Angry and alone
SaharaSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Hi @TheVorticon,
I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents worth.... I hope you find it relevent to your situation.
Before I became severly depressed about 11 years ago, one of my main problems was searing, intrusive anger. It all strated when a friend who I worked with betrayed me.
Before that, I felt as though I was coasting along, neither feeling happy nor really sad. Now I recognise that I was actually very emotionally disconnected and shut down, but this felt kind of normal to me, at the time.
I was angry at the way my friend treated me and instead of the anger lessening over time, which I would have expected it to do, it kept building. It was a very isolating feeling and I didn't feel comfortable talking about it to anyone.
People would just say "Forget about your friend, she's an idiot anyway. Don't waste you time thinking about her." These comments were not helpful, because I couldn't forget about my friend and it made me feel like I was being silly by being angry. Like my anger didn't matter and it wasn't important, when to me, how I was feeling was my whole life. So, not only was I angry, but I was disillusioned, because I didn't know what to do with my anger.
I will agree with you that anger can feel powerful and this powerful feeling is pleasant. In a way, anger is all about personal power and what we want to do with that power. Anger is actually a normal and natural emotion.... their is nothing wrong with it, intrinsically.
I took myslef off to counselling. I was 35 years old and had never had counselling before. Well, the anger quickly turned into sadness and the sadness then turned into grief. It was messy. Along the way, my therapist had me read a book about anger, which explained a lot of things and helped to to feel better. I had to own my anger, becuase it was important for me to acknowlede my boundaries and to label behaviors that made me angry. I had to learn to be quite clear about why I was angry, so as I could take effective action.
Taking action makes us powerful. When we understand ourselves and our anger fully, this action will be positive and rewarding. It might be as simple as telling someone in out lives to 'back off.' Or it might be as significant as launching a legal battle that seeks to redress an injustice.
I think violent thoughts are harmless, as long as you know deep down that you would never act on them. I had a few violent thoughts when I was young, around 18 years of age. Might I say that it is not surprising that I had them, considering what happened to me at that time! I really should have sought help, way back then.
I hope this helps you in some way, @TheVorticon. Thanks for taking the time to write to me on my thread, too. I really appreciate your input.
In response to: Angry and alone
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
@utopia glad you were feeling better yesterday. Farming Expo sounds like a good outing. Are they plants for planting in the garden or potplants? (I'm hopeless with all kinds of plants so don't let me near them either way!)
Yep coming home to cooked dinner has been great. It's one of the things I've had trouble doing for myself lately so extra useful, and my parents are here for another couple of days so it's a good break. How old is your kid? Maybe sometime you could convince them to make a meal with some kind of "get to pick the menu and a movie" incentive?
Yeah they released the 2nd generation of pokemon, so heaps of new ones to catch. I was only familiar with the 1st generation so it's exciting to see the new ones and find out about them.
@Appleblossom yikes, Melbourne inner city and suburb riding seems chaotic to me now let alone then. Most of my commute is industrial area so my main issues are making sure big trucks see and avoid me, and dodging road debris.
Good point about accepting the different interests and wind downs, there's no point forcing something completely unenjoyable.
Yep coming home to cooked dinner has been great. It's one of the things I've had trouble doing for myself lately so extra useful, and my parents are here for another couple of days so it's a good break. How old is your kid? Maybe sometime you could convince them to make a meal with some kind of "get to pick the menu and a movie" incentive?
Yeah they released the 2nd generation of pokemon, so heaps of new ones to catch. I was only familiar with the 1st generation so it's exciting to see the new ones and find out about them.
@Appleblossom yikes, Melbourne inner city and suburb riding seems chaotic to me now let alone then. Most of my commute is industrial area so my main issues are making sure big trucks see and avoid me, and dodging road debris.
Good point about accepting the different interests and wind downs, there's no point forcing something completely unenjoyable.
In response to: Angry and alone
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
@TheVorticon.
I bought a Cinnamon Myrtle and a native thyme that smells like a cross between thyme and basil. I lost the tag on the thyme before I even got to the car - so I don't know it's name. Lol.
Then I bought a Black Sapote - it's a semi tropical fruit tree. When you cut the fruit open - it's brown and mushy - doesn't look appetising at all - but it tastes a bit like chocolate custard (anything chocolate flavoured is GOOD). And the final plant is a Riberry. It's an edible Lily Pilly. And grows like a small shrub. They will all be planted in the ground.
I have lots of fruit trees that I planted when I moved to the country 5 & 1/2 years ago. And now I want to start adding some of the more unusual fruits (and herbs).
My thinking is - if you are going to plant a tree/shrub - you may as well get food from it.
My boy is 14. So he can cook. But getting him to cook is another thing. At this age - everything is a bit of a battle. But he can cook. And when he concentrates and doesn't walk away from the stove - his food is yummy.
I'm planning to mow some of my out of control grass this morning. Such great weather this summer means the grass just keeps growing.
Do you have any plans for today? Will you and your parents go somewhere?
I bought a Cinnamon Myrtle and a native thyme that smells like a cross between thyme and basil. I lost the tag on the thyme before I even got to the car - so I don't know it's name. Lol.
Then I bought a Black Sapote - it's a semi tropical fruit tree. When you cut the fruit open - it's brown and mushy - doesn't look appetising at all - but it tastes a bit like chocolate custard (anything chocolate flavoured is GOOD). And the final plant is a Riberry. It's an edible Lily Pilly. And grows like a small shrub. They will all be planted in the ground.
I have lots of fruit trees that I planted when I moved to the country 5 & 1/2 years ago. And now I want to start adding some of the more unusual fruits (and herbs).
My thinking is - if you are going to plant a tree/shrub - you may as well get food from it.
My boy is 14. So he can cook. But getting him to cook is another thing. At this age - everything is a bit of a battle. But he can cook. And when he concentrates and doesn't walk away from the stove - his food is yummy.
I'm planning to mow some of my out of control grass this morning. Such great weather this summer means the grass just keeps growing.
Do you have any plans for today? Will you and your parents go somewhere?
In response to: Re: Angry and alone
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Thanks @Sahara @utopia I have half a post typed up and saved but haven't been able to do the other half yet.
I feel like today's going to be another big struggle, which isn't a great way to start the morning.
In response to: Angry and alone
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
No pressure to write anything @TheVorticon. Maybe the focus today needs to be taking care of yourself - the best way you can.
In response to: Angry and alone
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Managed to ease myself into it with a technical thing at work to keep me occupied. I seem to be alright when there's technical non-wordy stuff to do. But my main job for today could be done by a monkey in a nappy. The sooner this part of the job gets replaced by AI the better.
I think I need to just figure out how to better accept and deal with mental discomfort rather than making it into a big deal all the time. And without being judgemental about that being a problem in the first place... Although I'm not sure how to do that.
I think I need to just figure out how to better accept and deal with mental discomfort rather than making it into a big deal all the time. And without being judgemental about that being a problem in the first place... Although I'm not sure how to do that.
In response to: Re: Angry and alone
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Sometimes routines ... (domestic & technical)
can be helpful
they allow us a little mental space or detachment .. or simply to be able to do the job without paying too much attention
Coding and hackers and hack work .. can be similar in .. musical & creative stuff too
... glad you have parents around for a bit and they actually feel a bit supportive to you ..
for me enjoying and identifying as a gardener or a cook came in the second half of life .. too many other things to do in the first half ...
Take care
In response to: Angry and alone
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Cheers Appleblossom. I'm rolling a proper reply into a 3/4 typed response that I've got waiting around at home for me to finish.
Today is better but I still feel like destroying something. Not really sure why.
Edit: FFS I can't even get a moment to myself to think through the post and write it. Everything is so annoying at the moment and I want to just make it all stop.
I don't even know if I want to calm down, I just suck. So. Much.
In response to: Angry and alone
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Angry and alone
Sorry to be annoying but is anyone able to just post a quick message (even if its blank or completely off topic) ? Feeling alone with this stuff right now isn't helping me make good choices.
In response to: Re: Angry and alone
Unknown userMember
Re: Angry and alone
I'm here @TheVorticon and wondering what would be helpful for you right now?
Pebbles 🙂
