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Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor25 Nov 2024, 10:10 pm AEDT

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

JynxModerator08 Feb 2025, 8:31 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@avant-garde 🥰

How you feeling now hun, has your system settled some or still in tension-city?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2025, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@Jynx my head is less like a rollercoaster and more like a Ferris wheel

I don't know what it's like to not have some kind of trauma-tension

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator08 Feb 2025, 9:13 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Yeh not sure I do either @avant-garde or else I'd be able to sit still without my legs bouncing 😅

Ferris wheel... endless up and down? Or round and round I spose.... 😵

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2025, 9:18 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@Jynx slower but doesn't tend to stop

There's something my social worker mentioned yesterday... that there are those with lived experience who have the potential to be advocates to change policies in regards to mental health... that they get paid to help others like them... she said when life settles down it might be something to look into...

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator08 Feb 2025, 9:37 pm AEDT

Re: Running

I think I've heard of that @avant-garde would deffo be worth looking into!!

I'm gonna be wrapping up soon so I should probably start making the rounds and saying my goodnights! I'm sorry today was so heavy on you hun, I hope tomorrow brings some stillness and soothing into your world. Nighty night 💜

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor08 Feb 2025, 9:40 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@Jynx

High attention to detail, knew you would be finishing up in about 20 minutes.

Also tomorrow isn't likely to be completely settled, Delilah will be at church tomorrow afternoon... I shall get my happy meal

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor09 Feb 2025, 7:32 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@tyme

You know what breaks my heart?

Thinking back on my baptism doesn't bring joy and gratitude as much as it reminds me of the abuse that surrounded it

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator09 Feb 2025, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Running

Hrmmm @avant-garde . I wonder if this is the road many Christians walk on?

TW: Christian beliefs

Content/trigger warning

I'm thinking that baptism tells the world you are joined with christ. And I feel that as Christ suffered, so should we? I was baptised many years ago. I remember rejoicing for a short time, but from there, things really went downhill.

I guess that was the path the lord had for me?

There was a song we learnt in Sunday school as kids:
If all were easy,
If all were bright.
Where would the cross be?
Where would the fight?
But in the hard place
God gives to us.
Chances of proving
What he can do.

I'm thinking that baptism tells the world you are joined with christ. And I feel that as Christ suffered, so should we? I was baptised many years ago. I remember rejoicing for a short time, but from there, things really went downhill. I guess that was the path the lord had for me?There was a song we learnt in Sunday school as kids:If all were easy,If all were bright.Where would the cross be?Where would the fight?But in the hard placeGod gives to us.Chances of provingWhat he can do.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor09 Feb 2025, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@tyme

TW: rape, spirituality

Content/trigger warning

My baptism was quite dark... I was taught a concept that rape was how I was was sanctified... by authority in the church... by the pastors in the church...

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator09 Feb 2025, 9:01 pm AEDT

Re: Running

I don't know what to say @avant-garde ....

Appalling. I'm so so sorry you had to endure it.

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