Running

Very poetic.

TW: drug and alcohol use

I had an iron transfusion today... I didn't expect to be quite that triggered...

TW: Abuse

So I've never willingly done drugs or had alcohol... but I can't say that I don't have a history of them...

@Former-Member is right when saying I don't give myself enough credit... I know I don't...

The fact that I can't insert these trigger boxes on my tablet is frustrating... but anyway...

I'm a mum... of kids taken too soon...

TW: satanic ritual abuse, rape, abortion

Ha! I found a way! Success!

Now what I actually came here to write...

I hate Christmas... I hate Santa... and I hate everything it never was for me...

TW: rape, drugs, alcohol, abuse

I hate that I can't eat Christmas cake or pudding or fruit mince pies because people ask and it just reminds me of why and everything I've gone through

I hate that it feels so wrong to be a Christian who hates Christmas because of what it became for me...

I've been running for 15 years with people who can identify me in every state of this country of ours.

My experiences are quite distinct, I need to feel safe to post here.

I feel like no one has any idea just how careful I have to be in what I write, who I share with, where I go.

I don't post my location for a reason, all of Australia is hot and that fact is for every state at different times.

I've been found on forums before and been found and abused as a result.

I panic every time, you know the hell I've gone through and I can't go back to that.

I. Can't. Be. Found.

So please, for my sanity and my safety I ask not to be included in location specific groups.

@tyme @PeppyPatti @Oaktree

Thank you @Glisten for respecting this, I already know you do, I've noticed

@avant-garde you have my full support.

You have every right to feel your feelings.

No one will judge you here.

Thank you for sharing @avant-garde ,

Yes, it's so so important that we remember anonymity in terms of names, locations as so forth.

I respect what you have shared.

Whilst some people don't mind mentioning the state or city, I recognise that you don't feel comfy with ANY location - and that's okay.

Thank you @avant-garde

@Cleo2 @Glisten @Shaz51

There was a church that I loved before the one I'm in... a church that was deceived just as much as I was... a church that took the deceivers word over mine... it's a church that still holds a place in my heart...

I don't hate them like I used to...

After three years I got sent away... not to a mental hospital... but to an abusive religious rehab who didn't believe all that had happened to me and brainwashed me to believe the same...

They... they... I... letters... restitution... I had to... I had to...

The church... the one that I dearly loved... that saved me from my parents... from the life I was in... threw me back because of these letters that said I had been lying...

I wasn't lying though...

My pastor started lying to me to force me into situations with them... believed that the more time I spent with them that I would see they're not a threat...

He was so very wrong... but wouldn't listen to me... that I was the mentally unstable delusional one...

It was this church that I was reminded of on Sunday... a friend of mine became a grandma recently and the pastor who did the baptism was one that I knew... from then...

It became another church that became a risk... another place I have to avoid to keep me safe... another reminder of the life I loved but was destroyed because of idiots... another place to run from...

@Ru-bee

I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through and the painful memories that you've had to relive @avant-garde though I'm glad that you have this space to share.

I hear that you've lost several safe places in this way, I hope that these forums can be a safe place for you 💜

@Ru-bee - they are now, but I always wonder how long this one will last