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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

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In response to: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

@avant-garde that is so scary hun, and like, ugh you are so right. How can one protect themself if their details are handed over?

When do you find out what's what? I hope you're not by yourself atm? If you are, is there anyone you can call or reach out to?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

I found out yesterday, right now they're going through everything I've given them, having to go to the physical archives to get my original statement from 2011, when I had just escaped for the first time.

I'm typically on my own, I'm like gremlin in that regard, except that everyone I ask for help tends to take my resilience and capacity for granted and use it as an excuse to not support me because "she's got this, she's fine". They don't realise quite how big this is or quite how serious what he did is

I reached out to blue know a couple hours ago

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

As a not-now thing @avant-garde I'm more than happy to chat to you about like, if you wanna brainstorm some ways to approach those people and try to highlight that 'appearing fine' does not mean 'doesn't need support' - but maybe not a helpful focus whilst your brain is doing backflips eh?

I'm glad you've chatted to blue knot, I've only ever heard good things about those guys. Did they have any helpful suggestions?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

I just needed to work through the entirety that was yesterday before I could think about this clearly

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

Totally @avant-garde and if there's anything still swirling around in your brain space feel free to get it out here.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

Honestly, it was the phone call...

Content/trigger warning
This mum seemed to be escaping from someone, a man was chasing her on foot as she drove, stopping at the pay phone, she called her mum and said for her to look after her kids... that she can't do this anymore... then sped off

I didn't know what to do, I wanted to help her but I couldn't...

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

Oh I'm so sorry @avant-garde that's heavy as. Feeling helpless is soooo awful, and something we're plagued by constantly. But seeing it face to face adds a whole nother layer of distress hey.

There's some gentle hugs here for ya if you want em 🫂🫂

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

When I first read that my head immediately went "hugs from you are always welcome, you're a safe hugger"

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator

Re: Running

@avant-garde 🥹

Hun... I can't even begin.... that just hit me soooo warm inside. TY, it means a lot to know that 🥰

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@Jynx

Figured it might do that...

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