Running

Hope you are okay @avant-garde

@tyme she changed her mind and didn't come

I still got my happy meal

I don't want happy meals to be solely tied to her

Hahahaha @avant-garde ! You're funny. Good on you. Now, what you do you have with your happy mean? Nuggets? Burger? Wrap?

Now that I think about it, I had someone I really didn't like a church. Every time I saw her, my heart for full of dislike. Now I realise she had a power over me because she would stir up such horrible feelings in me.

Years on, I don't LOVE her, but I don't hate her. I've just moved on. I wonder if this will happen for you too?

@tyme Cheeseburger extra pickles, no onion

Maybe eventually but not something I can think about, just one day at a time, otherwise I'll pressure myself to get there

Absolutely @avant-garde Take your time. If you need a few Happy Meals at this time, go for it 🙂 You deserve it.

It's more than just typical dentist anxiety you know... I used to need anti-anxiety meds just for the dentist.

I was a teenager when my dad changed the toothpaste to one I didn't like and so for 2 years I stopped brushing, he had told me if I didn't like it then don't do it...

TW: sexual abuse

I'd had a lot of inappropriate things in my mouth and so the dentist is a trigger in itself... it's terrifying for me... it's someone else putting something in my mouth... even swallowing is hard...

Then let's talk about the 2 experiences with an actual dentist...

I had an infected tooth that needed to be removed... This dentist was a nightmare... He gave me one dose of anaesthetic and started trying to pull the tooth... I was waving my hands and he said it didn't hurt and kept going... I screamed and he gave me another dose but after 15 minutes it still wasn't enough... I started screaming but he ignored me and so I started flailing my legs and kicked... the third dose did it...

The other one was when I was in rehab and needed another extraction... She didn't listen to me... needed my mouth wider... and so she put the blocks in to keep my mouth open and ignored the tears on my face...

In both of these my needs were ignored, I didn't matter, I was just a job, being told I was overreacting...

So going to the dentist terrifies me beyond normal dentist anxiety...

Yes that definitely sounds like it goes beyond dentist anxiety and into trauma @avant-garde

I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. Honestly I'm floored at the strength that it must take to go to the dentist now.

We did just need to make a slight edit to your post remove some detail, but please feel free to edit it yourself if you would prefer something different.

@Jynx

They're going after my dad... the police are going after my dad...

Sounds heavy @avant-garde you ok? Here with you hun

@Jynx

It is heavy, they said all the little bits from over the years that I've given them, that plus the redress caused them to reopen it... that they may have missed something...

I'm not ok, I'm terrified and I hate our judicial system that they basically throw survivors to the slaughter if they get granted a restraining order because it tells them where you are...