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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Beautiful. I'm going to dream some hymns tonight and I'll share them with you tomorrow @avant-garde

These hymns have so much meaning for me.

Wrapping up now. Will catch you tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I was talking to a friend about learning about puberty in year 5 today as we were talking about people's naive views...

TW: high school sex ed, child abuse, abortion

Content/trigger warning
I was reminded of different class activities including condoms and bananas... I remember learning about STI's, pregnancy and abortions...

I remember watching a video in year 8 or 9 of a woman giving birth...
... I remember relating to her, telling my teacher that mine was different... mine... they always did something first... to make it happen...

I remember that it finally clicked then...

Deep breaths, I'm ok, I'm overwhelmed but I'm safe

@Ru-bee

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme ?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hey my dear @avant-garde

How are you?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme it has been a day and I'm just waiting for tomorrow

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Me too 😞

I'm waiting for tomorrow, but with a bright outlook. I know today was hard for me, but I believe tomorrow will be better.

You? @avant-garde

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Re: Running

@tyme

I can't say my outlook for tomorrow is brighter but it's not darker either.

Today, the last few hours have been incredibly draining and not as encouraging as I'd hoped

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Can you run a hymn through your mind to encourage you @avant-garde ?

Mine for today is just a little kid's chorus:

If all were easy,

If all were bright.

Where would the cross be?

Where would the fight?

But in the hard place

God gives to us.

Chances of proving

What He can do.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Gah, it's not the kind of thing that singing a hymn will fix, it's someone else's view on my recovery that I had to listen to for 2 hours!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

You poor thing... that's poison to the soul @avant-garde

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