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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme she had only just met me! And she tells me that God will work in you to forgive them and to love yourself.

Dude! I know! What do you think he's been doing!

I mean gah! It just makes me so angry! Recovery is not cookie cutter!

Me?!? I am a testament to God's love, grace, mercy and power!

She knows nothing about me!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde , how are you feeling today?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I met with my social worker today, she helped.

Finished my painting

Put up with idiot drivers

I would call today a win

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Nice @avant-garde . Glad to hear today is a 'win'.

Calm after the storm?

That was me today too.. I just indulged in self-care and chatted to a therapist.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Or maybe just the eye of it?

It'll get harder the closer the police interviews get

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I can hear that you have been proactive about the police interviews @avant-garde . Did they prep you in anyway to make it easier for you? I know you mentioned a support person going with you?

Also, I'm about to hop off, so if I don't talk to you, I'll see you over the weekend.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

no, I'm an old hand at this, done it a dozen times before

Yeah I have a friend who has gone with me before

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Even though you have done it many times before, I'm mindful that it still may not be 'easy' @avant-garde

Fingers crossed it all goes well for you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

TW: child loss

Content/trigger warning
I named them all you know... the set of twins... the triplets... it helped me to grieve them... to still grieve them...

Now the newest baby in our church has the same name as my tenth... a dear little boy... a month from when I remembered him... on the anniversary of the twins memory... I wish it was different...

45 names... and I don't know how many unnamed... how many miscarriages... I may never know...

*curls up in a ball in the corner*

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hugs @avant-garde

Thinking of you.

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