Running

Hi @avant-garde ,

Hoe's today been for you?

@tyme

Exhausting, overwhelming, informative

Throwing myself into research to stop the grief and intrusive thoughts of my reality

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@avant-garde wrote:

@AuntGlow

That it's hard to be truly excited for him and that I bother him too much, that I'm too much of a hassle and don't know why he puts up with me

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Hello lovely! How has your week been? @avant-garde

I understand this thought process very much - it makes sense for some of our inner critic's thoughts to come up when we have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. I think it was really wonderful that you were able to be honest with him. I also think it's more than okay that you found it hard to be truly excited for him right now. How did he respond? 💛

@AuntGlow

He just said "thank you for sharing" and politely said to tell no one.

I felt strangled and trapped that I was struggling with it and couldn't lean on my church support system for help. But I was polite and did what he asked, leaning on here instead, it's not the same as my community though, people who can hug me and tell me it's ok and they know how hard it is.

I'll be glad when it's in the open and I partially hate myself that I was clever enough to notice

My week has been difficult as a result and I've been distracting myself and dealing with way too much so throwing myself into researching my origin memories and their connections with different fascist movements.

@MissGremlin

She believed me... the friend from church that I told... she believes me...

And God certainly didn't tell her otherwise.

I've had too many claim to hear from God about what I lived and God saved me from claiming it's not true, when it's frankly a reflection of their own insecurities and doubts mirrored in their subconscious.

It means the world that someone in my real life hears me, sees my pain and heartache and loves me anyway.

It slaps all those who have doubted all of which God has brought me out of in the face, like dumping coals on their heads.

@avant-garde oh sweetheart, I'm so glad that she believes you. This really sounds like a big comfort for you and that makes me happy for you.

Sending you love and hugs beautiful ❤️

@MissGremlin

And my pastor has just released the news to the congregation, I can be open about how hard the conversation with him last week was with the people who understand what I've come through.

They can be happy for them so I don't have to, not that I'm not, but it's hard

@avant-garde that's good news sweet. You deserve to be able to be open about how it makes you feel.

I hear you sweet and i can understand how hard it would be.

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@avant-garde wrote:

@MissGremlin

And my pastor has just released the news to the congregation

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Hey @avant-garde , I'm reading the posts but I'm a bit confused. I don't understand what's happening. I really apologise. I've read the posts over and over again, but I think I've missed part of the story.

@tyme

https://saneforums.org/t5/Talking-through-trauma-and-PTSD/Running/m-p/1814730/highlight/true#M10276