Running

I'm familiar with John Flynn, but not the other 2 names @avant-garde . I like the RFDS polo shirts 🤭 - great quality and price, plus its a fundraiser for the service!

@avant-garde So glad to read that you've got a PSW in your support group who is like me! A hug can go a long way sometimes hey. Sounds like it was a very heavy experience, I hope that the next one is lighter 🤞

I love that homework, I think it could be incredibly healing! I will second what @AuntGlow said about taking it slow, starting perhaps with sensuality and sensation first, and perhaps even coming up with a mantra or affirmation to remind yourself that you're safe - like that you are in control, you can stop any time, you are in your safe space, you are in the present and not stuck in the unsafe past, stuff like that.

And of course, all at your own pace - it's not something you need to rush, in my opinion 😊 Good luck 💜

@Jynx

I also replied to @AuntGlow saying I'm past that point

https://saneforums.org/t5/Talking-through-trauma-and-PTSD/Running/m-p/1811424/highlight/true#M10093

I like the idea of a safe statement... I also like that I can turn them off, you can't turn a human off

@avant-garde sounds like a really healthy, solid approach. And not having another person there also means no pressure, no having to navigate that fawn response, no feelings of guilt of potentially letting someone down... and yes, that ability to stop anytime without questioning whether you should!

@Jynx

Worth noting, I'm completely unfamiliar with ever doing it willingly with someone else and so don't actually know what it's like to feel those kinds of things...

I know how to perform with an abuser, that's about it, the guilt of letting someone down? or navigate the fawn response?

I can only relate to those where there were consequences and I was literally made to perform.

I think that's kinda what I meant about the fawn response @avant-garde - you were forced to perform, so you did things that you didn't want to do in order to appease the person who was a threat to your survival. The guilt thing might be more of a projection 😅 But I don't think it's uncommon to feel guilt about needing to cease activities midway through - hence it is often a topic in spaces where we discuss consent.

Hope that makes sense. And I hope that this journey results in growth for you, as well as, of course, pleasure 😊💜

Catch you again soon hun - hugs!

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@Jynx

I've never quite understood the fawn response...

I hate this! I hate this! I hate the constant unseen consequences of what he did to me! I hate that he brutalized my body for his own selfish desires! I hate that I need dentures, have hearing aids, arthritis and seizures! While he gets no consequences! He gets to just live his life the way he wants with no thought of me and what it did to my body! I hate living with these consequences! It's not fair! It's not fair!

@avant-garde oh sweetheart, i hear you. I'm sorry that you have to live with the consequences of his actions.

Sending you lots of love and hugs beautiful, always here for you ❤️.

@avant-garde aww hun, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all of this, that you still have consequences, and no justice. I know I can't take away your pain, but I want you to know that you are seen, you are valued, and you are worth so much to this world.

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

How are you going tonight?

I can share some basic info about fawn response if you're still curious - here. A friend of mine, who grew up in an extremely abusive and controlling environment described it as like, whenever people around them show anger, they become very docile and accommodating. We can chat on it more on another night though if you like, as I know it can be hard to focus on new info when we're feeling overwhelmed. Up to you.