Running

Thank you for sharing this poem @avant-garde. I am just sitting with your words. 💛

I want to address your post about the peer group properly tomorrow - big hugs.

Good evening @avant-garde 🫶

I just read over your peer support post. It sounds like it was really overwhelming for you... so I am very glad you had a Jynx-like friend to hold you and support you in the moment.

Thank you for sharing more about your homework - I think it's incredibly human and very normal to experience many conflicting emotions and thoughts around exploring your body, especially given your past experiences.

Whilst it may feel scary, it could also be deeply empowering.

I encourage you to listen to what feels safe - slow steps are allowed, to notice what feels good and what doesn't. I think treating this as an exercise in pleasure, permission, and most importantly, agency and choice, could be really healing.

I am here if you have more questions about this. @Jynx would also be a wonderful human to confide in around this. 💖

TW: SA

@MissGremlin

@avant-garde I'm so sorry sweetheart for what used to happen to you. But know that I'm here for you right now and I'm not going anywhere ❤️.

Hey @avant-garde , I'm sorry you are sitting with these thoughts right now. What do you think would be most helpful for you at the moment?

@AuntGlow

I'm scared you know, scared it'll be overwhelming, that I'll get more memories, have more seizures, scared I'll become addicted...

Apparently it's good for lower back pain though

Good evening lovely @avant-garde,

All of these thoughts and feelings are allowed to be there. It sounds like this is very new for you and any new terrain can naturally feel scary to explore. 💛

I am curious to know if this is something you could discuss more in therapy? I have found that talking out my fears and shame and having my therapist help me to challenge the underlying belief or nurture the parts of me that have experienced trauma very helpful.

My first thoughts here are: I wonder what it could be like to explore sensuality first? By that I mean, what it feels like to simply touch your skin (in a non-sexual way) and experience the pleasure of being present with yourself. I know it might sound silly, but I think creating a safe space to experience first could be really helpful, especially if big feelings come up - because what I am hearing is that feeling safe in your body is the most important thing here, which I absolutely agree with.

I know you mentioned someone said to explore this with a childlike sense of curiosity, and I think curiosity is absolutely key, but I wonder if connecting to adult Avant would also help you to feel safer in this experience too?

I know this must be a lot to take in, so please know you can always take your time to reply or to let me know you don't agree with my suggestions.

We're here to figure things out together. 💛

@AuntGlow

I got curious when the AI thing happened, well about 2 weeks after when I got a massage thing from an op shop for my shoulder, so I'm already past the point of feeling comfortable with non-sexual touch.

We discussed my fears a little in therapy and they come a lot from the shame I feel from the church, but this is actually healthy growth of I'm ever to be in a relationship or get married simply because this is what is recommended for recovery, becoming intimate with yourself before introducing a foreign or perceived danger of another person.

It encourages a safe response rather than a triggered reaction.

@avant-garde I realised the other night (trying to get to sleep of course lol) that of course that jigsaw pic can't be Dutch houses -- they have the wooden trim like I associate with "Tudor" style, and most importantly - they aren't so narrow and don't have a Dutch Gable along with the furniture hoisting hook!! 😅

Re: Book. I like reading too. 🙂

Your "51 book missionary series" - as in there is 51 books, each about a different missionary? 🙂

That's nice it includes 2 Aussie missionaries! 😊 Who are they, out of interest?

@AlwaysMyself

Yes each on a different missionary

I'm really enjoying the series

I'm up to Corrie Ten Boom