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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

That's so pretty. Is it actually a place? Looks like Japan or something.

Have you seen the puzzles where you complete one side and when you flip the puzzle over, it reveals another pic on the other side? @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

Pretty sure it's a photo, I'll have a look when I get home.

I've seen them, but haven't done any.

I like my push puzzles, doing one side scrambles the other

I have a question... Christ made me clean didn't He? regardless of what has happened to me? or the things I was encouraged to do and did?

In response to: Running

Re: Running


@avant-garde wrote:

@AuntGlow

Regulation does help a lot, it helps stop the puffer fish from blowing up

I'd rather the seizures than some other disorders that could have developed instead.

I had forgotten what it was like to release, that I get dizzy from the such big things becoming significantly lighter

I'm working on a jigsaw puzzle for a friend of mine


That is completely fair - do you feel you have a decent handle on the seizures now that you have experienced them for as long as you have? @avant-garde

You just reminded me that somatic shaking could be a good (controlled) release for you? I can find a video for you to follow, if you'd like!

ooh, what was the jigsaw puzzle of? 🫶

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

I posted a photo just today of the jigsaw at the top of this page

Given my recent online experience, I think it's best I just do what my therapist says rather than getting distracted by how videos could maybe help me.

I have a fairly good handle on them yes, they don't happen as often these days

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Christ cleanses when you believe he has @avant-garde . I cannot say why what happened happened, but I know God is in control. Remember Job? God let the enemy go so far and no more. God IS in control @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I wrote something last week after my pastor mentioned it in his sermon... I'm apprehensive about sharing it here because it might breach the guidelines, but I think it's highly relatable and would like to share it

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Can you share it in more general terms or provide the reading? @avant-garde . Only if it meets guidelines and you feel comfortable doing so.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I'm not sure what you mean by "provide the reading", but here goes, I think it's ok

Content/trigger warning

The idea that I'm clean

I think it can't be me

I'm too far gone, too tainted

Not pure by any means

I've practised dark magic

I've sacrificed to Satan

Granted I didn't know that

When installed in their ranks

I've been a witch, a prostitute

Not exactly my choice though

But that I could be clean?

That Christ has cleansed me?

No, no, I'm much too damaged

Much too broken for that

I can't be, I can't be pure

I've consumed my [detail removed]

That no, I'm the exception

Christ couldn't have cleansed me

The stain is on my soul

All that was done to me

But dare I call God a liar?

He saved Mary Magdalene

He cleansed her of impure spirits

Has He really made me clean?

No no He can't have

But God is not a liar

The Bible is the truth

I've known that since 14

My upbringing I was told

The worst things about me

What I say to myself

The lies that I believe

God is not a liar

Christ has made me clean

It's so hard to believe that

That he chose to cleanse me

Not too far gone or tainted

Not too broken or damaged

That I'm not the exception

That he did in fact cleanse me

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Thank you for sharing. Your last paragraph answers it all @avant-garde

I thought you wanted to share the sermon that you said was relatable. I meant the bible reading.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

My head is still grappling with it

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