Running

Anger is a complicated one hey @avant-garde and definitely a topic I could ramble on about...

How did you go last night? Sounds like a big day today as well!

@AuntGlow

• Jasmine is back to her normal self except she doesn't like mayonnaise anymore, it upsets her stomach now.
• Seizures happen when my emotional or processing capacity is exceeded for an extended period, so in this case, too long without therapy
• I will very much miss my case manager but we travel in similar circles and so will likely see each other again in a more friendship context
• Therapy was intense, not having seen her since 8/12, it was a lot.
• Yes I have seen it! It is so good!

@Jynx

I wrote this last night...

Do you know what I've given up

To keep myself safe?

I've given up my family

And aspects of my faith

I've given up security

The thought I'd have a home

I've given up jobs

I've given up income

I've given up on finding love

Of ever raising children

I've conceived so many

But not one have I then raised

I've given up on freedom

On ever finding peace

I've given up on happy days

With no element of grief

I've given up on hoping

That people could understand

I've given up on justice

That he'll get what he deserves

I've given up communities

Where I've felt that I belong

Of friendships that were family

Of churches that I've loved

The most devastating element

Of all I've given up

Is that of my childhood

The idea that I could be loved

To have given up my body

To have given up my heart

To have given up my soul

To have given up my mind

To have given up my innocence

To have given up my hope

To have given up my creativity

To have given up my dreams

With all that I've given up

What is there now to gain

With all that I've lost

It is still God I praise

-------

I read over it... there's so much internalised anger and blame, that it's my fault... logically though, I didn't give them up, they were stolen...

@avant-garde that's quite an insight hun... how do you feel about it now? Does it change the way you'd wanna express yourself in your poetry?

@Jynx

I can see how internally I feel that way and I think acknowledging it is a step in the right direction.

Any attempt to willingly change how my emotions express in my poetry is a bad idea, I've tried that and it just stifles me to a point that pushes me to unhealthy desires.

Changes occur naturally with me as I process, it's identifiable in my poetry that way, to see the journey.

We don't change how I cope, how I cope simply develops

Sounds like a very wise approach/stance @avant-garde - a way to ensure you're not pressuring yourself to make changes too rapidly. Plus... writers block is the worst!!

@Jynx

Every alphabet poem I did last year, or counting, was me with writers block... it's when I tried something different, and it's the different ones that people found everyday use for.

My friend is a pre-primary teacher and she's going to use one in her classroom for alphabet illiterations

Good evening @avant-garde 🫶

I am glad Jasmine is back to her normal self, that must feel like such a huge relief for you all.

Oh wow, this is really helpful to know about you. I can imagine that would be really scary... what helps you most in those moments?

That's really nice to hear, I am sure connecting in a friendly way will be nourishing.
And that makes so much sense - so much comes up when it has been a while, hey? Did they provide any specific support or strategies to help you before your next appointment?

I know! What other musicals do you enjoy? 🥰

@AuntGlow

it's hard to know what helps me, I guess whatever brings the stressor down to within my capacity, a seizure kind of does that for me, but so does talking and processing either stuff from that moment or stuff I'm holding onto.

Yes there was a lot, we dealt with the two big things to free up some processing space, if that makes sense. Next appointment in two weeks.

I enjoyed the Charlie and the chocolate factory musical that Jasmine and I went to see a few years back.

Aww that is really sweet @avant-garde!!

How's your week/weekend been? 💜

@Jynx

I had forgotten what sleep was like after therapy... erratic