FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

311 - 320 of 3,558

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme breathe right?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hugs @avant-garde

What's happening on your side?

Did you go to church today?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I tried going to the first service... I tagged you about an hour ago... Second service started a little while ago... I have my spot

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Nice @avant-garde

What time is your second service?

We have a service at 10:30-12:30, then lunch together. Then another service 2-3pm. This is Sundays.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

And yes, I read about today... you poor thing. Must have been so hard to feel so invalidated with, "You'll be right when everyone sits down..." If they only knew. @avant-garde

Hugs to you. Next time, just visualise me sitting next to you if you want 🙂

I always sit next to my niece. I don't like sitting with other people. And I baggs the chair next to me by putting my stuff on it. It's selfish, but I don't like to be so close to others...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I'm not one to share my service times... I have to be careful...

I sit in the front row, people typically avoid it, to the right hand side to stay out of the camera and close to the door so I don't panic.

I have my bag on the left side and my bottle or drink on the right hand side, I need somewhere to put my hands, something to cling to.

I do move 1 seat right if I need to but nobody except me sits in the front row usually

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Thanks for letting me know you don't want to share your service times. That's totally respected 🙂 Appreciate that.

Now that is BRAVE that you can sit right at the front! I sit second row from the back and closest to the aisle so I can leave from the back whenever I feel the need. @avant-garde Also, when sitting at the front, I feel all the people at the back are watching.. no thanks. I can't do that.

But I get it helps you stay focussed, listen, and you can exit if you needed.

I guess we've both worked it out in our own little ways. I hope tonight was okay for you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I had an elder approach me afterwards and assume that I needed a break and didn't come this morning because I was so exhausted from the quiz yesterday.

He clearly doesn't know me that well that I'll be sitting in the front row yawning 3 times a minute but still come to church... I will always turn up unless I'm physically not able to...

I got home and messaged him to set him straight

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hrmmm... it's so strange. It seems like you are pretty active in the church, and yet the elder doesn't know his flock? Is that fair to say?

I hope you feel okay after everything today @avant-garde

Did you score a happy meal?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

We don't have a pastor at the moment, we have 4 elders, my assigned elder knows me very very well, this elder doesn't, he's been there a little over a year but has been at one of our sister churches all his life.

No happy meal today, just wanted to stay at home

311 - 320 of 3,558