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Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor25 Nov 2024, 10:10 pm AEDT

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

AuntGlowModerator24 Dec 2025, 9:15 pm AEDT

Re: Running

That's lovely. I am really glad you had some quality time together. @avant-garde 💖

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor24 Dec 2025, 9:16 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

Are you taking any additional leave other than the week?

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator24 Dec 2025, 9:21 pm AEDT

Re: Running

I am not! I will be back on the 7th. My hours will be a bit different, but that will be more clear next year. I will definitely be here though. @avant-garde 🫶

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor24 Dec 2025, 9:29 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

We've developed a good relationship and with a few of the others I regularly interact with taking extended leave I'm trying to stay in good spirits knowing who is still going to be here after the well earned break.

I do have others I like interacting with on here aside from the PSW's too but it's kind of different if you know what I mean.

In response to: Re: Running

AuntGlowModerator24 Dec 2025, 10:00 pm AEDT

Re: Running

I understand what you mean. @avant-garde

We will definitely be back and we're very much looking forward to connecting with you more in the New Year.

I hope tomorrow is gentle and kind to you. 🥰

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 Dec 2025, 2:47 am AEDT

Re: Running

I keep thinking about Azariah and the sad excuse of a "friendship" we have...

I keep thinking about how he is constantly asking me

Why I feel this way
Why I act this way

He is constantly challenging me on things he has no authority to challenge me over.

I'm anxious about church because my elder is going to talk to him about his consistent physical contact with me and how the lack of warning of his approach terrifies me and I'm so scared that he's going to approach me and challenge me because he doesn't see what he's done wrong.

Instead of respecting my boundaries and respecting me he challenges me at every turn about the consequences of trauma.

Except by doing this he's destroyed our friendship which he considers "work" anyway, that he's not my friend, and he has no basis remaining to challenge me the way he does.

He manipulates me and pushes me but when I need him when I need someone? He's too busy and I don't matter.

It's my life and he like so many others think I could recover better, I could live better, I could do better.

But I recover at my own pace, I'm content in the pace of my recovery and it's about time I challenged him on his actions towards me. Because all he's doing is making me more scared of him by not respecting me.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor31 Dec 2025, 9:27 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@Shaz51

Can I get your opinion on something?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor04 Jan 2026, 2:11 pm AEDT

Re: Running

I don't do stupid things

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor04 Jan 2026, 5:41 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@MissGremlin

I sent this to my pastor...

I'm safe...

TW: SA & RA

Content/trigger warning

Trying to keep emotion out of this as I'm still very overwhelmed and hurting.

Please don't take offence to my honest and forward approach to this.

The sermon was like a slap in the face to anyone who has lost a child during pregnancy, anyone who has experienced domestic abuse as a child. It allowed no space for those that have experienced different.

For me though? It was worse.

I've lost multiple children at the hands of the occult.

I was initiated as a [removed] when I was 7 years old.

I unknowingly sacrificed my children to Satan for 7 years because I was taught it's how they would get to heaven.

I was forced to sacrifice them for another 7.

For me, that sermon was more than a slap in the face, it felt like [removed] Beach when I was a teenager and kept being hit by waves every time I surfaced that I nearly drowned.

I left being a very real danger to myself but knowing church would make it 100 times worse.

I'm not ok and I won't be for a while now.

I need to take care of me now

I won't be there for the second service

I'll see you next week

Trying to keep emotion out of this as I'm still very overwhelmed and hurting. Please don't take offence to my honest and forward approach to this. The sermon was like a slap in the face to anyone who has lost a child during pregnancy, anyone who has experienced domestic abuse as a child. It allowed no space for those that have experienced different. For me though? It was worse. I've lost multiple children at the hands of the occult. I was initiated as a [removed] when I was 7 years old. I unknowingly sacrificed my children to Satan for 7 years because I was taught it's how they would get to heaven. I was forced to sacrifice them for another 7. For me, that sermon was more than a slap in the face, it felt like [removed] Beach when I was a teenager and kept being hit by waves every time I surfaced that I nearly drowned. I left being a very real danger to myself but knowing church would make it 100 times worse. I'm not ok and I won't be for a while now. I need to take care of me now I won't be there for the second serviceI'll see you next week

In response to: Re: Running

MissGremlinSenior Contributor04 Jan 2026, 5:45 pm AEDT

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh sweet, i hear you. I'm sorry that you had that experience today and I can't even begin to imagine what it must have felt like.

You did so well to get across how it made you feel and I'm proud of you for doing what you needed to do.

I'm here with you sweet ❤️

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