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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Wow @avant-garde I am at a loss for words. Which as you know is rare!

But I'll try to find some anyway 😋

I am getting such a sense of empowerment from you, from this process you're engaging in, it's truly palpable. Reclamation is such an underexplored concept in a lot of mental health spaces, but I think it's an important one. This has been very moving to read 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

I'm starting to see what happened to me as what it was... theft... theft of innocence, theft of childhood, theft of sexuality, theft of everything that would've made my life... well... good.

And to reclaim it... it's giving me goosebumps and apparently I'm glowing...

Going to peer support yesterday having started this... they noticed it

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Amazing @avant-garde - if I had just one word for you, it would be 'transcendence' 😊

Extra special when it's noticed too, hey! Sounds like the peer support group is going well too 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

It is going well

Even the new PSW has started bugging me to do the course but I won't. They need someone like me in the group to encourage others to feel open and safe and vulnerable

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I love that @avant-garde I think you're so right - leading by example, and showing that it's not just okay to be vulnerable, but something to be celebrated. Would you ever want to do the course like, maybe down the track?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Only if more opportunities to work with kids came up.

But with more autistic schools popping up I'd be great to work in their library being completely qualified for that.

Special Needs teachers assistant

Librarian degree

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oooh yes I love that option for you @avant-garde - I think you would potentially be really good at 'tuning in' to their needs, whether verbally expressed or not! And being able to meet them at that more playful level, where the inner child likes to dwell 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

At least people at church had a heart today

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Sounds like a win @avant-garde? Or a positive, if you don't want to call it a win 😅

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@rav3n? did... did my email come through?

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