Running

@avant-garde we all feel foolish in situations like that but truly, you did nothing wrong and he is the one who is not being a reliable friend. I am glad you changed his name in WhatsApp, he is not worthy of you.

Someone who can't support you (and I am learning this with one of my friends) isn't a true friend. It has to go both ways and can't always be one sided.

It has been a bit of a turmoil for you this past week and I hope and pray that things start to calm down for you.

@ENKELI

Maybe that's tonight's poem... about true friendship...

We'll see where my mind goes when I shower

So much has happened recently

• Getting used to a new therapist
• Talking about the deep darkness of my past
• Halloween and those particular memories
• Finding out I need surgery
• My best friend being in hospital and then the ICU
• Memory anniversaries
• Missing my routine for the sake of hospital appointments
• Getting a new pastor
• Having to be honest with the new pastor

So much and all I wanted was someone in my church to care

The irony is that last week Tiana* asked at Bible study how can we show we care, how can we apply Philippians 2 and part of me wanted to throw them under the bus and tell them to at least try.

@avant-garde would it be worthwhile speaking about how you reached out and weren't helped?

@ENKELI

I don't know who I would tell... the amount of times I've reached out and not helped are insurmountable...

Then it feels like I'm the one to blame, that I'm hard to love, that they do their best with me, that I'm this resilient and strong woman, that I can do this. When I've never asked for a pep talk, I've asked for help...

@avant-garde sorry honey, I hoped that if you mentioned it someone might actually get the hint you need a shoulder

@ENKELI

I know, but my church doesn't do hints, or apparently blatant requests so it seems...

I mean just look at the whole Delilah mess... how they pulled their offers so frequently that I stopped trusting they were genuine

@avant-garde have you ever thought about trying another church?

Or are there other things about the church that make up for the lack of support?

@ENKELI

You're not the first to suggest it, my trauma sister *Aurora has suggested it multiple times, but I'm as steadfast and committed to this church unlike any other, it not for my learning, but for theirs.

*signifies name change

Just checking in @avant-garde 💛

Hey @AuntGlow

I just got home

I didn't need more ribbon

I got more ribbon

I'm going to make those tassels that cheerleaders use out of ribbons