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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme yeah they balance each other out well

... something happened this morning that just had me frozen...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

doesn't sound too good. @avant-garde I'm listening if you feel you want to share (if it is in line with guidelines). No pressure though. I just want to give you space in case you wanted to share.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme I'm ok if you edit, I do my best to stay within the guidelines

TW: sexual references

Content/trigger warning
i was at my usual Thursday community group and one of the more elderly ladies comes in and says she's late because she got pulled over for a breathalyzer, except she didn't call it that, she discussed it as a certain sexual act...
The next half hour they were talking about her authority fantasies and other instances involving costumes of... yep...

some of them know my history, I noticed they didn't say anything either, I just froze and very intently focused on my fidget

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I can see how that can be so distressing @avant-garde ... that's totally NOT okay. Yet I've also seen and heard it at work places too. And it really needs someone to be an upstander and not take that sort of talk.

I hope you find a way to work through it or even speak to the person.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme can you see why I froze?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Yes yes @avant-garde . Totally uncalled for...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

you know how triggers immobilise you? your head just fixates into survival mode...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Totally.. it's like a re-traumatisation. Unexpected and uncalled for. @avant-garde

How do you think you will manage tonight? What are things you can do to unwind?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme I'll be fine, I will do what I always do... cope. TV, nonograms, currently updating my laptop to test quiz presentation. Have a few things to research too.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Good on you @avant-garde . You sound incredibly resilient. Are you studying at the moment ?

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