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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

That's so lovely @ENKELI . What a lovely friend in both you and Jesus!

Sitting with you @avant-garde . It's rough. It's tough and the pain is real.

Here's a soft plushie you can hold on to with What A Friend We have in Jesus, playing in the background.

Hold on tight.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme, our precious @avant-garde is very special to me. She is getting a violet named after her in the Sane Garden.

It's annoying that I can't find anywhere that is selling them at the moment..grrr

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

Facebook marketplace or gumtree might have some listed

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde yes that is my next avenue. I can find African violets but not standard. I haven't forgotten though, I want you to know it's still on my mind xo

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

the pain is overwhelming
my heart feels torn in two
my best friend, little sister
she's in the ICU

they don't know what is wrong with her
or if she'll make it through
that's where they send the critical
into the ICU

her mum, I do pray for her
and what she's going through
she may not be my mum
but she's kind of family too

we both care about her daughter
and pray that she'll come through
I wish I could be with her
in the ICU

I pray that they can fix her
like doctors are meant to do
I pray that they can save her
that she'll leave the ICU

I pray that God will save her
her soul and body too
I pray that she will read this
outside the ICU

and if she doesn't make it
though I sincerely pray, I do
that I'll see her in heaven
we'll play go fish there too

but God I pray you save her
like you saved me too
I pray you bring her too yourself
with those miracles you can do

I pray you save her family
give comfort in their fear
I pray you hold them close
show them that you're there

that whatever happens
that it will be your will
that you'll save this precious daughter
because I know that you can heal

@Jynx

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde you have a gift for prose.

How are you today sweetheart? Any news on Jasmine?

Raising you and Jasmine up in prayer. Our Heavenly Father please watch over avant and Jasmine. May Your healing hands reach out and touch Jasmine, let her be healed and recover quickly.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

My eyes feel tired from crying

My head feels foggy, I think dehydration and exhaustion

I've heard from Jasmine's mum, the hallucinations have stopped, they suddenly stopped one of her meds rather than tapering her off, her liver is improving, she may still need bowel surgery and I will hopefully get to see her this weekend.

They are also considering moving her back to a normal ward.

@ENKELI

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde I can imagine you didn't sleep well last night. Good news that Jasmine is doing better. Is her mum being a little bit kinder to you? I certainly hope so.

Remember you need to take care of yourself too.

🫂❤️

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

My blanket was tangled around me

Her mum is less scared now and keeping me regularly updated. I think Jasmine has been asking for me, which would be like her.

I know her mum is fiercely protective and although I may not like it, she feels ok to be herself with me, even if it seems high strung. She seems to be starting to remember the kind of relationship Jasmine and I have, that she's part of my little family.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh my stars @avant-garde I am so sorry. I am sending healing vibes into the aether, May Jasmine recover well and suffer as little as possible along the way.

It's so lovely she's asking for you! Hope you get to see her very soon.

Sitting in uncertainty like this can be agonising. How are you holding up?

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