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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@rav3n

officeworks website booted me off for opening too many tabs... seemed to think I was a bot or something... it's a little funny

In response to: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

Got dizzy from crying so much, had hydralite when I got home. My head feels heavy and I have my Enkeli bear

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

Here for you @avant-garde

Sorry to hear today was so hard.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

With my best friend in ICU, not being able to see her, hearing about it straight after therapy, after finding out I need surgery yesterday, and it being a child loss anniversary.

It's not just today.

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

I hear there is a lot going on for you @avant-garde . It sounds so so hard. I want to say that I hear you. I'm not here to fix anything, but for you to know you are not sitting with this alone.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

This is where my schedule kicks in and I tend to just go into robotic functioning

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator

Re: Running

I wonder if you allow yourself to go into robotic autopilot for now and be okay with it @avant-garde ? Or is it something you want to get out of?

I'm asking becuase I'm not sure and I don't want to make any assumptions.

I just want you to know that I recognise there are some many painful things happening for you at the moment.

What hymn would help for now? Any come to mind?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@tyme

Robot is better than overwhelming fear and grief right now.

What a friend we have in Jesus

In response to: Re: Running

ENKELISenior Contributor

Re: Running

@avant-garde darling I have been praying for you. I've had a few things on so I haven't been around much but I've still been praying for you and asking God to hold you.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor

Re: Running

@ENKELI

I know

Thank you

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