Running

@ENKELI

Alternate perspective piece from last night, it's kind of like what God would say and what He sees...

https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-space/Roses-are-red-violets-are-blue-here-s-a-poetry-thread-from-me-to/m-p/1742809/highlight/true#M480047

@avant-garde that poem is beautiful and perfect. That is God speaking of you. He loves you so much, His heart breaks when yours breaks.

Much love to you, a perfect child of God xo

@ENKELI

My therapist asked me last week how I see the trauma memories stored visually in my mind, some have filing cabinets, others have boxes. I wasn't sure what mine were stored in for a few days until I was reminded of an image I had dreamed of as a teenager; vials of tears.

@avant-garde Casting Crowns song Praise You in This Storm has a line -

"Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand"

The visual of that draws me nearer to God.

I think tears in vials is appropriate

@ENKELI

Psalm 56:8 - "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

It's my mum's birthday tomorrow and it always brings up mixed emotions because of how emotionally unstable she was during my childhood and adolescence...

TW: sexual abuse

I do miss my mum, but I think I grieve for her a lot more than I actually miss her... I miss the mum that protected me and recognised me, the one who loved me... not the fragmented person she became...

Hey @avant-garde ,

Thank you for sharing. I can see how those mixed emotions will come into play when you remember your mum.

Can you think of ways to work through this grief? Does talking about her more help?

@tyme

She's still alive but still with my dad which is painful because I was consistently blamed by my aunt that I should've gotten her out too.

I don't really talk about my mum and how I feel about her because I've never had anyone to hear me out and understand not just who she was, but who she became. What I hate is that regardless of what she did to me I still miss her! Who in their right mind would miss one of their abusers!

Yeah there's a lot of confusion

I still see it as a form of grief in a way. Do you?

It can be likened to a loss.

And yes, for some, talking about it really helps, and for others, it doesn't @avant-garde

I guess it's what you feel works best for you

@tyme

A grief for the mum she never was and the mum I never had, yes.

For me talking helps because it challenges the silence narrative