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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI

I love violets

I also have a collection of beanie boos, one for every major accomplishment, like my driver's licence, various police visits, redress, accommodation, etc. I have a lot of those plushies, it shows me that I've achieved a lot.

I woke up to a really long fur ball from my cat this morning...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde fur ball, ick! Mal has those, I can't clean them up without gagging so my brother has to clean them. I think it's the only reason I let him live with me ha ha. I hope you are better at cleaning up furballs than I am.

I love your beanie boos collection reason, it's such a good idea to celebrate those achievements. I have never considered my achievements as being worthy of a collectable.

My plants are a collection to recognise people in my life who have supported me at a time when I needed it, I usually stop and pray for the person the plant is named for when I am in the garden watering or pottering around. I would love a landscaped back yard but I don't see that happening for a while.

I am thinking of applying for a part time job that I saw on Seek, it's actually something I'd like to do and it's not far away from me. I will give it to God and leave it to Him to see if I get it.

Do you have anything particular you're wanting prayer for tonight? I'm excited you get to have a nice time with a friend tomorrow.

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@tyme yes! Yay!!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI I like that I've supported you when you've needed it to be considered for a plant in your garden.

Prayer... that the physical sensations of the gradual theological shift in understanding sacrifice subside. that the shift continues and I come to accept and understand that the different types of trauma inducing sacrifice I've endured were not and never will be necessary.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Father God in Heaven, I lift Your precious child @avant-garde in glory and mercy. I pray that You heal the damage caused by others, in the name of religion.

Lord, show her that the sacrifices made not by her will were never for You or ordained by You. Show her the mercy of Your healing hands each day and let her heal slowly yet completely as Your will desires. Let her see Your glory in each new day, be with her always and show her she is Your Beloved, beautifully formed and created for more than the abuse she endured.

In Jesus' name I pray

Amen

xo

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ENKELI 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Officially named Enkeli

@ENKELI - please meet your bear, Enkeli

I didn't like her much when I won her in the Easter raffle this year (too much pink), but she has grown on me because of the memory of the Easter raffle and the dear friendships I've developed with the volunteers there. Much like you.

Officially named Jynx

@Jynx - please meet your stitch type plushie, Jynx. This one seems suitable because you can't tell what gender it is, not really anyway and has its tongue out to show it's silly side. It is lovable and soft and is similar to my @MissGremlin plushie.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde hehe that tongue definitely brings out the cheeky side which i reckon is perfect for @Jynx and their wonderful personality ☺️.

How are you going my sweet?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@MissGremlin

I have 3 more things on today but I'm happy with my physio progress. I picked up a shoulder pulley a few weeks ago and my physio taught me how to use it to strengthen my right shoulder again

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde well done with the physio progress sweet, so happy for you ❤️. Hope the 3 more things go well for you, I'm about to head to the shops so I will chat to you later ☺️

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