Running

@avant-garde hello hun, how's your Sunday? How's all this stuff sitting with you today?

@Jynx

Grah, my head has so many things going through it so now I'm trying to clear them.

Church typically does this to me and the first service was SO DIFFICULT

oh the swirly brain is never fun @avant-garde anything you wanna get off your chest?

@Jynx

Triggers from church

1. New pastor, though not officially for 2 more weeks
2. Visiting minister
3. Communion today, involving actual wine that has a potent smell that I find difficult
4. Sermon about the fires in association with sacrifices, the visiting minister said "sacrifice" over 40 times in the first 5 minutes.

TW: ritual abuse

And now the tears and the pain of it all hits again

@avant-garde I understand your feelings of wanting a home of your own, children, a job. While I was blessed to have been able to have my own home (I just paid my mortgage out a couple of weeks ago) I didn't realise the hard work that goes in to having a house - I let a family member live in it while I was supporting ex friend and no maintenance was done so when I moved back a couple of years ago I am now stuck with thousands of dollars of repair work that needs to be done. Fortunately that family member will be paying for the repairs but it was upsetting to see the amount of work that my poor little neglected house needs.

I am 56. I will never have my own children and that is one thing I fight God with. My life certainly would have been different and sometimes I'm glad for the way it's been, other times not so much. As I age I wonder who is going to look after me like I look after my mum when she needs help.

I am also unemployed and while I have experience I don't have a great record as the last 3 workplaces were so toxic that I was either forced to resign or was bullied and fired. My exemption expires in a week and I am scared about finding a job.

The reason I share this is because I know exactly how you feel. The feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness that is caused by other peoples' actions can sometimes be debilitating. I am trying to lean on God more but it's not always easy. We can't help but compare ourselves to others the same age as we are.

I hope you are finding a little peace this afternoon my sweet girl xo

@avant-garde sounds like an incredibly difficult day hun. I am sorry to hear it, I imagine you're feeling pretty flooded and overwhelmed.

What do you think you are needing this arvo hun?

@Jynx

I have one more church service and then I don't know

@avant-garde that's fair! Feel free to let us know when you're finished ok hun? Space to vent or unpack, validation and reassurance, and/or some casual chats are always on offer 💜

@avant-garde @Jynx I want to support your posts but my support button is away for the long weekend.

I am at my desk, my laptop is open so if you need to chat I'll be around.

Tis being a dastardly lil bug hey @ENKELI - I find that refreshing the page works about 70% of the time, but I think the error is inconsistent and not always the same for everyone so your mileage may vary!

Thanks for your support as well, you really are a wondrously warm presence here on the forums, and it makes my heart sing to see your kindness so freely given so often.

Bless 💜