Running

It sounds like a lot. Do you think you have a subconscious anxiety that the specialist trauma therapy is coming up? I'm mindful that this can happen sometimes. @avant-garde

I can totally see that without hope, it like people are fumbling in the darkness with no goal in sight... is it a bit like this?

@tyme

No, it's more an external pressure, people expecting me to move forward, that I'm not moving fast enough, I'm not getting better fast enough because they see that there's something wrong with me because of what has happened to me.

There is a fair amount of anxiety with the specialist, I had been told I would be doing EMDR with them and the therapist I've been assigned says it's not a guarantee

Awww @avant-garde . I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing all this pressure. I'm a firm believer that support in recovery is about supporting the person to recognise how slow/fast they are able to move, and that we are all different.

Do what's right for you. If you need to tell them, "I'm not ready yet", then so be it. Everyone has their own journey.

Do you feel you are ready for EMDR? I don't know anything about it to comment. I'm just thinking that with other therapies, you gotta be sorta ready for it for it to be most effective.

@tyme

I had a guy from the helpline who happened to be an EMDR therapist from the organisation take me through some of it on the phone on a particularly bad night and I found it so incredibly helpful that I slept with no nightmares or anything that night. I think the effectiveness of that experience tells me that I'm ready for it and I also know my mind enough that it subconsciously mentally prepares for it.

Hi @avant-garde glad you got to chat to tyme a bit whilst I wasn't around!! How are you feeling about everything?

Up to much this weekend?

@Jynx

I haven't stopped long enough today to recognise how I'm feeling

Sometimes that's what is needed @avant-garde especially when the feelings are so big. Are you worried you won't be able to slow down, or more worried about what happens when you do?

@Jynx

No just busy and feelings get pushed away when I go more into robot mode, partly due to people not knowing how to handle my emotions or feeling uncomfortable and partly due to the vulnerability and trust issues I have with expressing emotion.

There was something I wanted to discuss with you though...

My GP asked me this week where I see myself in 5 years... what do I want my future to look like... but I feel like I've never really had a future... I've just had a now...

@avant-garde I have the same saying on the back of my car.

I've been in a bit of a pit lately, whenever life gets to me I retreat from Sane and try and spend some time healing and trying to work out my life.

You've been in my prayers xo

Hey @ENKELI

I noticed you disappear... are you ok?