Running

TW: self harm

I know my experiences and overcoming help people but it's hard to find the balance between helping them and protecting you. I like helping others but it's just hard when it's still something I struggle with myself...

@Jynx

Could I get some help with this please?

Hi @avant-garde , good to see you. Thank you for sharing. I can see what a struggle it is to remember these instances. What would effective support look like here on the forums for you at this time?

@tyme

It's been a while

I'm having trouble dealing with the aftermath of sharing too much that I'm finding it difficult to pull away from the memory of that first time.

I've pulled my comfort safe out in an attempt to focus on something here and now rather than this particular memory which is very strong right now.

Yes @avant-garde ,

I've been on leave for a week so I haven't really been around much at all.

When you mean sharing to much, do you mean the post above?

@tyme

Not above

https://saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/TW-Self-harm/m-p/1730427/highlight/true#M388521

Thank you for clarifying. I didn't want to assume. I can see why that memory would be so prominent at this time. Self-harm is largely misunderstood.

I'm here sitting with you. I can see you are doing what you can to be in the here and now. Have you done much ACT work in the past? About recognising that thoughts are there, allowing them to be, and then observing them 'float away'?

@avant-garde

Feel free to guide me as to how you want to be supported at this time. I'm mindful that sometimes, it's not about trying to 'fix' things, but just having a sounding board.

@tyme

I've never done ACT before...

My peer support group, one of the guidelines is that we don't have to pretend to be ok.

I find it hard to be ok with where I'm at rather than to feel like I have to keep moving forward... that what I'm feeling is ok even though I'm not...

Does that make sense?

Yes @avant-garde . It makes a lot of sense. I was listening to a really powerful chat on the radio recently, and one thing that stuck with me was the power of self-talk. Something along the lines of "Self-talk can break the cycle of thoughts, or the cycle of thoughts can break you"

Not sure if this is helpful for you or not.

Part of ACT is "Radical acceptance". That is, the accept the things we cannot change. This does not mean we condone behaviour, but we find a way to work through it. It sit with it and be okay.

I'm sensing the 'be okay' is what is challenging for you at this time?

When I was doing mentalisation based therapy, one thing that was always drummed into us is that we need to learn to be okay with sitting in unpleasantness. How? You just gotta keep doing it so that you can build up a tolerance?

I wonder if you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about this? I'm certainly no clinical expert. I only know what's worked for me.

Sitting with you there.

@tyme

I've done DBT, radical acceptance is a part of that, I'm familiar with it even though it takes conscious effort but I try as much as I'm able

I'm not great at sitting with things and you're right the "being ok" is something I really struggle with...

I think a part of me doesn't know how to sit with it and trust that it'll get better...

I start with a specialised sexual abuse trauma therapist in just under 2 weeks to potentially do emdr