Running

@Jynx

I'm ok with tags, I just... I don't want to offend when others join in... There are other threads for that and I don't feel like it's here...

Understandable @avant-garde - I think you're always allowed to politely but firmly ask for space, I don't think that's offensive or rude to do. Could always ask for a 'raincheck' or a 'pin' in the conversation to sorta say hey, not enough spoons today but maybe we can talk more another day, or something.

None of us are mind readers, and we won't always know when our attempts to connect and uplift are not appropriate or helpful in the moment. Pretty sure I've put my foot in it with you on a number of occasions - you were never rude nor have I ever been offended by you putting boundaries in place.

I know it's tricky in this online space at times, but we are always happy to support you in doing so, and helping to untangle misunderstandings and stuff too.

@Jynx

No mental energy to do that today

What do you mean by "not enough spoons" I haven't heard that before

Is it like juggling too many balls?

@avant-garde pretty close to that in a way - spoon theory was popularised a few years back after its author used the metaphor to talk about energy limits when living with chronic illness.

Basically, for some of us we only have so many 'spoons' of energy that we can spend each day. Every task - from work to teeth brushing - takes one or more spoons away. Once they're gone, we need to recuperate, or it can make us unwell (or in my case when using it to talk about my ND struggles, it can also send me into a meltdown).

Sometimes folks expand on it and say like they have a certain number of big spoons (for big things like going into a super overstimulating environment or to the doctor's or something) and a certain number of little spoons (for all the minutiae) - and you can use big spoons for little spoon tasks but you can't use little spoons for big spoon tasks. Use up the big spoons on little spoon tasks and you're almost just as depleted at the end of the day.

You don't have to use this lingo though of course, you can just say 'Sorry just don't have it in me today' and that works too 😉

@Jynx

That makes sense

I wonder sometimes... what made it have to be me to have this life... like I did something wrong to deserve this...

@avant-garde a very big question. I sometimes refer to the 'birth lottery' because of the fact that none of us chose to be born. So I can't fathom that there's any possible way you could have 'deserved' the life you got, any more than a person 'deserves' to inherit a genetic disability or 'deserves' to be born into privilege.

I think sometimes, the idea of random chance is actually scarier than there being some inherent reason behind it - you being born into a life where you've endured the things you've endured, I think it being 'just random chance' could feel.... idk, almost insulting? Cruel? Because if you 'deserved' it because of some unknown actions of the past, then it feels like it makes sense. Random chance does not make sense. It just is. And we can't escape that, nor change any behaviour to prevent it - so it is terrifying.

Does this feel like it resonates?

I hope there's some comfort in knowing that there's nothing inherently deserving of cruelty or punishment within you, and that what was done to you cannot and does not make you who you are. Only you get to create that for yourself 💜

Hi @ArraDreaming,

We are sorry to hear that you have taken offence to posts and are now feeling unwelcome in this thread. This can be a normal reaction if we feel something like that and I understand that this is not easy for you to process right now.

We encourage you to take some time away form this thread but also respect that the Forums are a public space for connection and support in the community.

Please continue to reach out and connect with Members in a way that makes you feel safe and respected.

Holdinghope5

Exactly.
It is public.
Hence when you make a thread other people might comment things about that topic @holdinghope5