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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Not sure I am truly following what you mean sorry

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Re: Running

@ArraDreaming

Father's Day, the store displays, the clearance that comes after special days

I like this and different things that people say are suited for men so it brings about excess stock afterwards and therefore clearance.

I also get angry at all the positive dad cards and mugs etc that there's a strong desire to destroy and so I'm glad when that's gone. I have similar issues with Santa.

So yes glad when it's over

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde gardens sounds lovely! You still doing that?

Ugh can totally imagine. Would be rough, especially on top of all the other things you're dealing with. Fingers crossed that isn't the case!

@ArraDreaming it's rough hey - do you have anything planned to do with the kiddos tomorrow? Does the day tend to be a bit of a mixed bag for you?

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Re: Running

@Jynx

Yes, we're driving north this time for about an hour, it's going to be beautiful.

Once this audiobook finishes downloading I'll keep going through boxes to find my camera charger

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Mixed bag because obviously my own dad was a total pos and he bought as much value to my life as broken glass in a blender so I try to focus on my own family on Father’s Day and be the best I can be for my little bugs
@Jynx

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde aww how exciting!! If you get any good pics you feel comfy sharing, I'd love to see em! If you like I can share a few pics from the spontaneous lil walk around Yarra Bend that I did the other day!

@ArraDreaming that's the way to go hey - I love that you get the opportunity to turn the meaning of the day around for yourself a bit. Probably always be a bit of a challenge, but your lil bugs won't have the same associations hey, and that kind of pattern-breaking is soooo incredible 💜

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Yeah mate, will never been completely smooth sailing on this day and I think about all my siblings too @Jynx because its not an easy time for them either
Very few stories about my dad I can laugh at and they are pretty much all at his expense lol but him attempting to smuggle me across the country will be my top.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@ArraDreaming "at his expense" lol yes this is a good way to do it! I do love that story too, not for the fact it happened to you but for the story you got out of it 😂

@avant-garde I hope a bit of gallows humour is okay with you here hun? Legit if not, I would have so few spoons for it if I were dealing with the kinda stuff you're managing atm. But if you have any darkly funny stories you wanna share do feel free 💜

In response to: Re: Running

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@Jynx

I just ran away with no energy to compete, gave in to the trigger response

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde running away is always valid - it's instinct after all. Do you wanna keep chatting or do you need a breather from the tags? Here for you hun 💜

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