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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

I am, alas @avant-garde

Maybe it's something @AuntGlow or one of the other PSWs can help you to plan ahead for?

My rubbish too-quick answer is affirmations and aftercare but you're probably already on top of that... you usually are 😉

If only I had two more hours and two more arms.... I am sorry hun. I hope it goes ok in the end - and again, ty for always being real with me 💜

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Thinking about you @avant-garde

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@Jynx

... it's my birthday on Monday and I try so hard to be happy about it but at night on my own the darkness intrudes...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde - totally legit. I can imagine it's a day of a lot of complex feelings for you... Anything you wanna talk about?

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@Jynx

I have so many people who love me and appreciate me but I don't feel worth it, I don't feel worth it at all

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde As a person who appreciates you muchly, I reckon you ought to know that that doesn't matter one jot to me. 'Worthiness' is not a condition of my care.

However, I also know the feeling of not being enough is one that isn't easily chased away. Even if you know it has no basis in logic.

But maybe also, it's not up to you to decide whether or not their love is deserved? Isn't that up to them?

I will stop by tomorrow if you like, we can keep chatting - about this or whatever you like 😊 Night hun 💜

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I would like that @Jynx

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@avant-garde hello hello! How's your Sunday unfolded?

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@Jynx

From one extreme to the other and back again

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Ohhh the rollercoaster. That's rough @avant-garde. Emotional whiplash? Anything you wanna unpack?

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