Running

Oddly enough from my perspective @avant-garde that is the thing that actually aligns more with my values - the lack of a superiority complex is the superior way to be 😝

When it comes to the concept of 'social capital' (how much power one has in their social world), it is biologically wired into us to want to be liked, to feel like we belong, and to feel like equals. You are not being treated equal - and you feel that, and it hurts. Whether we like it or not, whether we respect them or not, others' opinions of us can still rattle us. But in terms of how you measure up - I think your convictions and your integrity speak volumes. Theirs... simply don't measure up to you.

@Jynx

"the lack of a superiority complex is the superior way to be"

I'm trying to understand this...

So how I am? my humility and nature, is superior?

"But in terms of how you measure up - I think your convictions and your integrity speak volumes. Theirs... simply don't measure up to you."

That makes my heart feel all fuzzy

@avant-garde haha kinda just my tongue-in-cheek way of saying that in my experience, people who are humble and who don't think of others as being better or worse than themselves are generally more pleasant to be around than those with a superiority complex, who want to 'save' people (but often this means trying to force them to live in a particular way).

Hope that makes more sense?

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@avant-garde wrote:

That makes my heart feel all fuzzy

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aww yay!! Love sharing the fuzzy feels!! You definitely have done so for me too hun, many times 😊💜

@Jynx

The triggering reverend wants to join us for Bible study on Tuesday

How am I meant to handle this

@avant-garde hmmm... what does your gut say?

In my brain, it's a toss up between reserving energy by not attending, or attending but serving a sassy attitude (and by that I mean sticking to your guns and holding your head high). For me, choosing to attend something that has the potential to be triggering usually depends on how I feel upon waking up that day.

@Jynx

See where my head goes, how can I best prepare for this, how do I get through this, not going rarely crosses my mind because for me not going means trauma has taken something else away from me, that my dad has taken something else away from me and I won't have it, I won't let him win

@avant-garde I don't know if this helps or hinders but I remember this quote like.... The only way to win is not to play the game, and if we are putting effort into proving a narrative wrong, it means we still believe the narrative.

I do NOT want you to feel disempowered by this, I am just wondering if the whole 'not letting him win' thing potentially means that you are prioritising 'winning' over your own energy and self-care needs. But if that feels unacceptable, I will go back to my lane. It's obviously not my place to tell you how to move through your recovery, this is more a 'food for thought' kind of thing.

@Jynx

That wasn't helpful

By proving him wrong I'm adding to the toolkit that he is wrong.

I love my Bible study, I love the people and making connections.

By not letting him win means he's wrong and I need all the evidence I can get that says he's wrong because I still struggle to not believe the narrative.

It stops the memories replaying in my head by replacing them.

Gotcha @avant-garde thanks for the honesty and for explaining a little more to me about what this means to you.

I absolutely can see why not losing this important source of connection - both social and spiritual - is vital. I can also see how this is an ongoing process of being able to rewrite the narrative rather than just trying to like.. ignore it. Like I said, I don't want to disempower you and apologise if that is what I did anyway.

Maybe then it's about preparing ahead of time for the possibility that you might have a tough time (but also not in a way that makes it seem inevitable) - have some supports set up, or some kind of activity planned for afterwards that you know would be helpful if things get really hard. What do you think?

@Jynx

Coping ahead is one of my greatest strengths.

When I asked "how do I get through this" it wasn't a superfluous question, it was actually asking how do I get through this.

But you're out of time.