Running

@avant-garde be easy for me to jump at reassuring you, because that has not been my experience of you thus far. But I feel like I don't have quite enough understanding yet. Do you feel comfortable expanding a little on what it is that makes you feel like you are the problem?

@Jynx

Because I feel like I'm always the problem... my morals... my trauma... my lack of interpersonal skills... the way everyone ganged up on me... I was the one with the issue... I was the one told I was wrong...

I was the daughter... I was the female... I was the worthless vindictive little brat that my mother called me...

me.

@avant-garde thank you for explaining. I imagine it would not have been easy to write that.

I can only speak of my own opinion and viewpoint, but I think that your morals are one of your greatest strengths! I have always admired a person of conviction, who stands by their beliefs, whilst still holding space for the nuance of others'. To me, when a person like yourself comes up against a lot of friction, it indicates that others may lack that kind of conviction, and find it threatening that you are so self-assured.

Your trauma and struggles with interpersonal skills (I don't think you lack them, as it is clear from our interactions that you have a lot of empathy and like to communicate openly... which again, some folks can find discomforting or threatening if they have a lot of insecurity) are hardly your fault, and anyone who took the time to listen to you and your story would know that. They would hopefully make space for it, communicate to you more gently if there's something that is creating tension or conflict for them.

I only need to look at how you have responded to me, and to our rupture, to know that you are not 'the problem'. And whilst you don't take crap from anyone, I'd hardly call you vindictive.

I know me saying all of this doesn't make those crappy things disappear, and it'd be a miracle if it were to somehow erase all of your doubt. But perhaps it can make you doubt their opinions of you. Because the only opinion that TRULY matters, is your own.

Saw a quote yesterday that feels maybe relevant?

"If you wouldn't listen to someone's advice, you shouldn't listen to their criticism either."

@Jynx

Thank you

I like that quote

Any time @avant-garde 😊

@Jynx

I've missed talking to you

Same @avant-garde - glad I decided to reach out tonight 😌

@Jynx

I was nervous to let you in

@avant-garde I would have been surprised if you weren't 😉

We can leave it here for now if you like, or chat more, or I can check in tomorrow... How is it feeling to be chatting to me now? It's okay if you still feel some barriers, or hesitations. These things take time, but I have all the time in the world for the process to take as long as it needs to 😊

@Jynx

You didn't give up on me?