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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor25 Nov 2024, 10:10 pm AEDT

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 4:12 pm AEST

Re: Running

@Jynx

Fragile way

I got my last McDonald's squishmallow yesterday, I have all 14 now. I'm also sick of McDonald's now though

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator28 June 2025, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: Running

Squishy hugs @avant-garde 🫂🫂

Oh nooooo not the maccas overload!! Haha but was it worth it? I feel like it must have been, cos squishmallows are the cutest!

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: Running

@Jynx

Not ready for hugs...

Thursday was hard and overwhelming and so completely wrong.

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator28 June 2025, 5:30 pm AEST

Re: Running

@avant-garde of course, ty for communicating that to me.

I just went back a couple pages - saw your posts to tyme. I am so sorry hun, that's awful. And with the D-person involved I am not surprised it's left you feeling so vulnerable and fragile.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 5:39 pm AEST

Re: Running

@Jynx

No, before that, it was with Rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator28 June 2025, 5:46 pm AEST

Re: Running

@avant-garde ...

I am gobsmacked. I am sorry you had to endure that. Even when we know we're being gaslit, it can still rattle us hey.

Has it made you feel like that group is no longer safe?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 5:51 pm AEST

Re: Running

@Jynx

Yeah... I'm not going back... I'll go early Thursday, drop the 2 music boxes off as promised and then leave before anyone sees me.

I'm not fussed about the $10 they cost me.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 6:00 pm AEST

Re: Running

I feel like I never really mattered to them, that I was honest and real and that they were slowly poisoning me, it makes me feel so so sick and worthless. I hate that I got involved in a group that's so toxic and demoralising.

It just adds to the hatred I have for myself

In response to: Re: Running

JynxModerator28 June 2025, 6:12 pm AEST

Re: Running

@avant-garde good, they don't deserve you.

I really hear you, about how this has left you feeling. Because of our social needs and our funky neural wiring, even when we know that we don't value the opinions of a group, it still hurts like heck to get rejected or ostracised. It's also okay to feel a sense of loss - even if it is a 'good riddance' kind of situation.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor28 June 2025, 6:14 pm AEST

Re: Running

@Jynx

I still feel like I'm the problem...

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.