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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

Didn't you have a friend you could speak to? I vaguely remember you had someone you were talking to when you needed it? @avant-garde Correct me if I'm wrong.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

That got derailed when he constantly cancelled on me for a few months.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Sorry to hear that @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

It was the talk last night that took me for a spin though... That I couldn't be saved the way I'd been taught

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Sorry, I'm not understanding @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

TW: suicide, religion

Content/trigger warning
As a child I was taught that Jesus committed suicide to save us and so we had to do the same to go to heaven. That accounted for my first two attempts.

Bible study last night one guy expressed the firm unwavering belief that those who commit suicide don't go to heaven and can't be saved.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Oh.... I don't know what to say.

I know what I think, but I also know that this is not the space to say it.

I can see why you'd be so conflicted @avant-garde

I hope you find space to seek the truth. I believe it will be revealed to you.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

So you see why that would send me spinning?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Absolutely @avant-garde

It's like a spiritual battle going on inside. I know that feeling so well.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@tyme

I feel like a lot of the battles I'm facing are spiritual at the moment... the enemy attacking the vulnerabilities of my church to bring down the one that challenges them.

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