Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor25 Nov 2024, 10:10 pm AEDT

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

1,971 - 1,980 of 3,558

1...197 198 199...356

In response to: Running

tymeModerator13 June 2025, 5:20 pm AEST

Re: Running

How are you today? @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor13 June 2025, 5:47 pm AEST

Re: Running

@tyme

I still feel pretty horrid, like caring is too big an expectation for me to have on other people. But I got to harass a government department and actually got something done for a change.

Also got a bunch of laughable present things for my brother's birthday thing in a couple weeks.

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor13 June 2025, 8:22 pm AEST

Re: Running

It's familiar, this feeling, feeling like my stomach is cramping and like I'm going to vomit. I know it's psychosomatic but it's still not pleasant

In response to: Re: Running

tymeModerator13 June 2025, 8:47 pm AEST

Re: Running

Hugs @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor17 June 2025, 5:30 pm AEST

Re: Running

Something something snapped in me on Sunday... it snapped in me... that feeling that why would anyone want to hear or listen to me...

In response to: Re: Running

rav3nSenior Contributor17 June 2025, 6:16 pm AEST

Re: Running

hey @avant-garde sorry to hear those thoughts/feelings creeped back in.

i want to remind you: you are always worthy and deserving of being heard - that will never change. i know those thoughts can creep back in here and there, but we're here for you and we'll remind you that we care.

did something happen on Sunday, and is it something you wanna chat about?

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor17 June 2025, 6:21 pm AEST

Re: Running

Something did happen @rav3n

In response to: Re: Running

rav3nSenior Contributor17 June 2025, 7:55 pm AEST

Re: Running

i'm around tomorrow morning if you wanna chat more about it @avant-garde or if you wanna post a response tonight, i can read it tomorrow morning too - whatever works for you. i gotta hop off, take care 💙

In response to: Re: Running

avant-gardeSenior Contributor17 June 2025, 11:00 pm AEST

Re: Running

@rav3n

It's the visiting reverend... it's too similar... his facial features... his stature... it's too similar... to my first... my first pastor...

TW: religion, rape

Content/trigger warning

my first pastor... the cultic one...
the early memories flood when I look at him too long... but they flood later anyway...
Sundays second service he was talking about the story of Rebekah and Abraham... being chosen to wed... the women had no say... they were given...
I was given...

my first pastor... the cultic one...the early memories flood when I look at him too long... but they flood later anyway...Sundays second service he was talking about the story of Rebekah and Abraham... being chosen to wed... the women had no say... they were given...I was given...

I looked up briefly and he pointed in my direction... it was just a moment... just an emphasis... it threw me... it silenced me...

I had asked my elder for help with this... help me to overcome this... he couldn't tell me he didn't know how... he didn't say anything... he didn't reply... to say nothing says everything...

No one seemed willing to hear me...

So I became silenced... stuck in a world that felt too similar to the one I was raised in... though dreadfully different... the similarities silenced me... still silence me...

In response to: Re: Running

rav3nSenior Contributor18 June 2025, 2:21 pm AEST

Re: Running

that must've been really tough @avant-garde it's hard when someone's appearance reminds you of someone who caused so much pain, and it sucks even more that your elder wasn't able to support you.

sending you gentle hugs 💙 how are you managing these thoughts/feelings now, are there any strategies that help regulate those intense emotions?

we're here for you. let us know how we can support you 💙

1,971 - 1,980 of 3,558

1...197 198 199...356