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Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

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In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee

I'm sitting in a library with coffee and doing my homework for Bible study tonight

I went to an op shop and found some cute things including more fabric pocket tissue holders.

Still shaky but less so

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Ok, first thing, I'm completely safe, this is just something I need to talk about

TW: suicide, religion

Content/trigger warning
Last night at Bible study... one of the elderly members... he started talking about how Christians who commit suicide, he thinks, don't go to heaven...
He wouldn't shut up about it...

As a Christian who has tried multiple times, it hurt so so so bad, I've heard the arguments, I've done the research, there is nothing that supports his conclusions. I personally think he's too bleeping naive to realise what mental illness actually is!

I... I was taught that Jesus committed suicide... that we had to do the same... my "church" taught me that... I was taught Philippians 1:21-23 condoned suicide.

So I'm still dealing with that emotional fallout

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Thank you so much for sharing this @avant-garde. I can't imagine how conflicting this must be for you... it really would hurt so much to be in a conversation like this that hits so close to home. I grew up in the church, so I understand how challenging this can be... I think that a sense of inner knowing here is really important. You have theology and other people's beliefs - but what are yours? 💛

And yes, it sounds like this person may be projecting some things into the world that they don't fully understand. You deserve to be around people who are compassionate and curious. ☺️

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Many moons ago when I first struggled with my mh, I use to argue with my pastor and other Christian’s about this. I was a Christian and I didn’t wanna live anymore and attempted many times. My pastors would says it’s a sin and I would go to hell. And I would argue against that. Still have many thoughts about it cause I’ve had many recent attempts

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

I'm not in an emotional headspace to think about my own beliefs on the topic

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

That's understandable, you don't have to right now, especially after being triggered. It sounds like being nurturing and gentle with yourself is in store? ☺️ @avant-garde

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@AuntGlow

Turns out failing my inspection is part of my day.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Hey @avant-garde how are you tonight?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Ru-bee

I feel like Sugar Honey Iced Tea with flipping dandelions

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

I dunno if I'm familiar with that feeling but it sounds tasty @avant-garde

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