FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Talking through trauma and PTSD

Running

Running

"Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice"

My life is all about a lack of choice.

I'm alive because death would've outed him, it would have sealed his fate in prison.

TW: cultic, rape, trafficking, torture

I'm the daughter of a Satanist...

One trained to breed...

One pregnant at 6 years old...

One prostituted to whoever could afford her...

The girl her dad didn't want...

One men hired to have fun with...

One men experimented with...

One who was tortured for speaking up...

One trained for the sole purpose to please her buyer...

Regardless of age...

Still though...

One who never stayed silent...

One who broke free... twice...

One who rose up...

One who seeks to prove them wrong...

One who has been running for 15 years...

One who just needs to feel heard...

One who went through hell and survived...

That this Phoenix can rise...

She will not be burned...

She's proven that...

I have proven that...

I'm 35 and 90% of those I've been in prolonged abusive situations insufficient evidence for prosecution

A system that protects the abuser more than the survivor

And yet I still try

I don't try for me, I try for the ones after me, the ones like me, that they will see their justice

But for now I run...

From a dad that wants me silenced...

From the nightmares that plague my sleep...

From the memories that invade my mind...

From the choices made for me...

Didn't expect that to come out as poetic as it did

3558 replies

1,911 - 1,920 of 3,558

In response to: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Yeah... I... uh... put someone in their place... she didn't like me after that...

She was a newbie and had these rugs, as in floor rugs... shaggy floor rugs... she had 3 of them and wanted to wash them separately.

There is a designated pet washer which is designed for stuff like that, not a clothes washer. The amount of sand and dirt that would have come out of those rugs... but no, she used the smallest and most frequently used machines (there are only 2) and so I politely advised her she should've used her brain.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde ahahaha that is like, sitcom levels of sassy!

Deary me, I can totally relate to the woes of shared laundry spaces too. I found a staple?! in one of the dryers at my local. Nearly shredded all my clothing!!

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Then you've got the incident that I shared over in Tabaluga's...

But you might get excited for this... can I tell you about my birthday present plans? I tried sharing about it but nobody really responded and I know you'll be keen to hear it...

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

Ugh never fun getting laughed at @avant-garde I hope you can get the text-ordering going!

Ooh yes do feel free to share! And I hope you've told Shaz your bday hehe when is it? (you don't have to share, that's private info!)

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx oh Shaz definitely knows (4/8)

So on my laundry routine there's a little gift shop that I go into and have a budget of $20 for something nice for me every week, whether it's a hand cream or essential oil or little bag or something.

About a month ago I overheard that they do laybys and so I asked the attendant (who isn't snooty towards me anymore, we bonded over playing cards) and she confirmed.

Last week I was a bit later than usual (turned out to be a good thing) so I asked the unfamiliar attendant if they do custom hampers where I can pick the items, which she said yes.

So I went and got to pick a bunch of pricier items and some smaller items and put them on layby.

I can't wear lavender and don't have a bath and can't burn candles here so it meant that I could pick things I'm actually going to use and enjoy.

Today I got to talk to my usual attendant and she got excited and really pleased that I'm doing a hamper for my birthday for me.

I pay off $20 a week and left a little space in the budget for the basket it's going in and the hamper creation service.

It has a peony heat pack, a hand cream, cute little handmade mug, one of the metal puzzles I enjoy and some other things I think.

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@avant-garde oh see now, that's an inspiration! The very definition of 'treat yo'self' hahaha. Love it!!

Oh, I think you have the same birthday as one of my siblings! Wild 😅

It falls on a Monday this year, yes?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Yeah it is a Monday

Tomorrow ought to be interesting... the morning service may be a bit full on and it's another anniversary so I think I'll be keen for my happy meal.

They've released squishmallow happy meal toys. I have 4 of them so far

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

How'd you go today @avant-garde ?

Get a new squish?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

@Jynx

Yeah, it's name is cookie, they only had 1 not 2 this week so I'll have to go adventuring to find more

The first church service was rough... I figured out why I get triggered by the visiting minister... he looks a lot like my first minister who screwed with my theology to start with... the cultic one...

Can you please help me figure out how to tackle this?

In response to: Re: Running

Re: Running

How could I have even contemplated that there was a possibility that someone so prominent in my childhood didn't abuse me...

1,911 - 1,920 of 3,558